Band: It Goes There
by redxandkemicalx
Summary: Each chapter will consist of 100 things. Have already completed 1000! This is our 'story' or memories of band. Enjoy.
1. 100 Band Things

I do not own HMS/HHS band, but if I did...I would make it awesome...

Now for...100 things that have been done or should not be done in every type of band:

1. Do not talk in band, or a senior or Mr.Grow will shut you up.

2. Never call the band teacher fat.

3. When life you lemons, squirt them in the fat man's eyes (aka the band teacher who makes fun of me)

4. Play loud and obnoxiously to make the band teacher wonder where the heck it came from.

5. "You know what! I wanna play saxophone!" Then the band teacher yelling, "No you don't" in the distance.

6. Make your band teacher mad by saying he's not this or that at marching band practices.

7. Skipping out of choir to play band instruments.

8. Trying to get down the bass drums from the cubby holders.

9. Telling your choir teacher you're quitting choir to be in band.

10. The band teacher laughing because the choir teacher is his friend.

11. Switching constantly to different instruments to make yourself look good (aka Stephanie and Kathy..lol kidding)

12. Having random contests over who can play louder

13. Doing said contests in the senior courtyard.

14. Making your section leader mad by stating the obvious.

15. Playing an instrument better than the whole section

16. Getting asked constantly to switch instruments for different bands (aka me, Stephanie, Kathy, and Jesse).

17. Singing about bubblegum at 11:30 pm on the band bus.

18. Having the said singing stop after a senior screams.

19. Paul Davis getting asked by various girls if he'll bare their children (aka me when I had tylenol and fun dip).

20. Singing church songs with a person older than you on the band bus home, and then realizing after the tenth song, that you're Atheist.

21. Watching Mark or Kathy go beserk over a bug on them during attention.

22. Giving your friends "mystery food" and watching them spit it out in digust.

23. Playing chubby bunnies at a band camp out, and watching Nicole get the most marshmallows, chocolate syrup, and m&ms in her mouth.

24. Putting deep heating cream (the stuff that helps aches, kinda like icyhot) on your friends to wake them up.

25. Watching your field commander dance.

26. Making your friends dance during the work-outs.

27. Having said friends hit you or stay still.

28. Having Paul come up to you and try making you dance.

29. Having the colorguard yell at you, just because you wore a blonde wig to championships.

30. Being called an old lady by other bands.

31. Getting a bag of popcorn and saying it's your baby.

32. Making yourself have bigger boobs out of sheet music that will never be used again.

33. Using your crush's mouthpiece because you think it's like kissing them.

34. Having a crush on your section leader.

35. Laughing because your section leader is two years older.

36. Learning to play trombone to surprise your band teacher.

37. Making your partner-in-crime look bad at 4th quarter, by playing Sloopy louder than it would have been with him.

38. Crying because Tequila is no longer a song option due to idiotic football players.

39. Crying even more, because Tequila was one of the few songs you knew.

40. Getting called the Grinch during the Christmas season.

41. Stalling on stage because someone lost their music.

42. Tripping over a chair, that someone layed out on purpose.

43. Watching t.v. in the band room when you should really be at home.

44. Having your mom drop off sandwiches for you and the gang.

45. Playing football in the senior parking lot and courtyard.

46. Plastic wrapping your band director's car, the trailer, and the field being laced in fishing wire.

47. Screaming "Rawr Dinosaur" at attention instead of "Pride"

48. Also screaming "Gotta go fast" or singing the Pokémon theme song at a attention, then ebing told to run 3 laps.

49. Standing on the field commander's podium and shouting an advertisement for Powerthirst.

50. Getting attacked by a savage twin.

51. Then the other comes along.

52. Dirty dancing during Sloopy better than the cheerleaders.

53. Having more fun and excitement than the cheerleaders.

54. Trying to get Kathy to dance during Sloopy.

55. Having Mariah or Debra hit you with a drum stick.

56. Stephanie hitting you even harder with a metal mallet.

57. Fixing your friend's tuba, which had a sprite bottle (full of sprite) lodged clear into the bottom.

58. Remembering how that sprite bottle got there in the first place.

59. Having your band teacher ask you why the heck you had a blonde wig on, then telling him "It's fun".

60.Yelling random things on the marching field.

61. Thinking about how Kathy is going to run clear across the field when you whine, and hitting you in the head.

62. Having your friends record an alleged agreement about this "Kathy hitting you over the head" thing.

63. Tackling Debra because she hit you with the drumstick.

64. Eating mustard and pizza and telling everyone it's yummy.

65. Yelling at Mark and Jesse for being idiots and not leaving a hole for J.T.

66. Not remembering what set or song you're on at a performance.

67. Getting sick at a performance is a no no...D:

68. Having a band director who is two-faced.

69. Reciting Powerthirst at pep band games.

70. Playing the opening theme for your marching band show as a pep band song.

71. Watching a two year old marching band dvd, and still loving it and knowing all the words and notes.

72. When changing on the bus, make sure that the colorguard have their space. Also, make sure...not to look around. God knows what you'll see.

73. Make sure while you're changing, that the windows are tinted, and boys aren't watching.

74. Always remember, the low brass room isn't a nice place to change or make out in.

75. Buying donuts for the band is always a nice thing.

76. Remember to bring a pillow, so you don't have to use Jon Jacky's legs as one on a two hour trip.

77. When you have at least one alone moment with Paul, make it last.

78. When having said moment, stay away from elevators.

79. Never give your key card to the hotel room to two girls who hate your guts. You'll never get in the room.

80. Never buy your friends Nos, Sobes, Monsters, Rockstars, Vaults, or Amps. God knows what'll happen.

81. When its over 80 degrees, bring water. And a tank top.

82. Tell your Assistant Director he is too old for you.

83. Have day dreams about killing your band director and partner-in-crime.

84. Getting your friend who is on a diet, to eat right before a game, then puking it up after half-time.

85. Fake puking to get out of rehearsels.

86. Running after the Jesse so he can lose some weight and be majorly freaked out next rehearsel.

87. Telling Kathy there is a spider in her case is amusing...She's majorly arachnophobic.

88. Telling a section that they have to clean the instrument room, even though really, they don't.

89. Cleaning the low brass room, then three hours later, coming back to see it a mess again.

90. Singing oldies on the bus.

91. Taking pictures of your friends while they're asleep.

92. Crying because your favorite band-aide isn't at the contest.

93. Hanging out in the trailer, eating beef jerky and drinking root beer.

94. Watching four accidents happen in three weeks time.

95. People getting jealous over you because you were allowed on the boy bus, because you were sick. But really, they thought you were faking a heat stroke.

96. It's pretty bad when you know everybody's part in band, and still get confused over your own.

97. Getting told you're the most negative person in band, when in reality, the band director is, and so is that 8th grade flute player.

98. Getting cheered on by the crowd, because you were the one to find that music that was lost onstage.

99. Never use the low brass room as a locker, or the female(s) (aka me) will scream at you.

100. Realizing right before a performance, that your instrument is broke or not playing.

xxxxxxXxxxxxx

These were all witnessed or done (or not done) by real people in my band and in other bands.

These people who helped me with this list, include: K.C. (she doesn't want me to put her name), me, my strange friend in Texas named David, saxypitgirl07, and Jesse.


	2. More band Things!

I do not own HMS/HHS band, but if I did...I would make it awesome...

Now for another...100 things that have been done or should not be done in every type of band:

1. Breaking your foot because you were dancing on the pit carts.

2. Ripping your pants on the field, while helping a band member.

3. Having said pants get caught to pit instruments

4. Singing the Pokémon theme song right before you go on the field for a performance.

5. Having a bass drummer fly into you, when you play tuba.

6. Nearly falling in mud during a performance.

7. Running into the carts that hold up your show's theme (Rent for us)

8. Tripping down the steps that were in the band room, while holding your saxophone.

9. Tripping on the band steps, aka the fire escape.

10. Always wondering when that fire escape will fall.

11. Having your high heels catch in the holes of the fire escape and tripping.

12. Sliding down the fire escape.

13. Chucking reeds out the third floor window and or band room window.

14. Chucking someone's drumstick out the window during winter, while it's snowing.

15. Playing the bells better than half the people that show up, then next rehearsel, having three people quit because they felt they weren't needed.

16. Learning the bell part for a show that everyone hated, and then using it against them.

17. Make your band teacher wonder what he should put you on next.

18. Having your sheet music fall off the stand during a performance.

19. Losing your pencil and having someone from a whole different section chucking one over to you, and landing on your stand perfectly.

20. Having your band director throw his baton thingy at you when he is mad.

21. Also having said baton 'accidentally" flinging out of his hand.

22. Having a baritone/tuba player who believes he needs to play loud all the time.

23. Having the podium that the band teacher used, collapse every other week.

24. Making faces through the door windows, while the band teacher isn't watching.

25. Having your neck strap break during a performance.

26. Learning how to play music that your band teacher hates or no one but you and your know.

27. Getting sheet music for "Battling Banjos" from Paul, and playing it every time the band teacher comes in, because he threw them away, and Paul dug them out.

28. Insisting that you must learn every istrument.

29. Having a drum stick battle.

30. Losing said battle.

31. Remembering how you nearly killed yourself in the stands last year because of your instrument falling.

32. Having your assistant director also as a math teacher.

33. Having Mark tell you he can fly and you telling him "Hey I can too" and run around like idiots.

34. Having so many band moms/dad/kids/etc that you can't remember who the heck your related to anymore.

35. Fighting over who has custody over the band kids.

36. Asking yourself how this band family started...

37. Begin making a family tree of the band family, then realizing..."Oh crap..." there are a lot of people in band.

38. When you need someone to help you...you call on your awesome friend and only Asian in HHS band, Kathy.

39. Or if you need help from someone else, you know you got a bajillion more people.

40. Eating food while the band director isn't watching.

41. Punching your friend's arm so hard, they can't hold their trombone.

42. Always wondering how you got stuck with a female/male uniform when you are the opposite sex.

43. Asking yourself why you have to have large boobs that make it impossible to have a female uniform each year.

44. The button on your gauntlet suddenly popping off and having the whole band laugh.

45. Having your hat's mirror fall off is always funny.

46. Causing damage to your teeth because you bite your mouthpiece too hard, knock it against your metal mouthpiece, or chewing on the strap to your marching band hat.

47. Dancing on the bus before you leave a game.

48. Falling out of step during a parade, and never fixing it.

49. During the final cadence at the end of the game, dance like a wild banshee and switch instruments with random people.

50. Having parties that last forever with your band friends.

51. Catholic band peopleCraziest fun ever

52. Knowing you have a girl in your section who can't play and mocking her because she make sfun of you for actually enjoying band.

53. Making fun of the girl who quit band, who wore tight shirts and small miniskirts, then realizing at the band banquet, she's your third cousin.

54. Eating like a hyena when free food is given.

55. Drinking coffee, which everyone in your section hates.

56. Sharing green tea on a 28 degree day with your cool friend you just met last week in band.

57. Dating the kid mentioned in #22 for two years, and realizing...he's a good kisser. :/

58. Walking to Speedway with all your band buddies, and always leaving at least one of them in the store, so that when they come out, we're already halfway to the school's parking lot.

59. Realizing how heartless we are and wait for them.

60. Begging Dr.Pepper off your best friend, who you met like...two hours ago.

61. Borrowing three dollars off your band friend, and them telling you that you're cool and since your a band dork, you don't have to pay it back.

62. Being told by people in the concession stands that you rocked and wished to give you a discount, but couldn't D:

63. Dancing like a moron in the stands or in the band hallway.

64. Getting a dance move named after you.

65. Teaching little kids the way of band dorks.

66. Fighting over who will be section leader when Paul is gone.

67. Realizing Aubrey is next in line, three months later.

68. Trying to figure out what name you want on your band hoody, and laughing because some of the things you want are SOOOO inappropriate.

69. Singing "Tango Maureen" and changing Maureen's name to a boy in the band, who's dated at least five girls in HMS/HHS band...then realizing he's on the bus.

70. Singing "La Vie Boheme" and screaming the parts about beer and playing with yourself.

71. Walking out of the basketball game at third quarter, and singing songs from Rent.

72. Coming to the understanding that old people are watching you and amused by your enthusiasum.

73. Singing random songs and quoting movies to amuse your friends.

74. Meeting a girl who looks just like Naminé and spending almost all your time with her cause she is amusing as heck.

75. Laughing cause she's the new kid and you can tell her anything and she almost believes it.

76. Holding your best friend's hand during a forest trip because he's scared to death.

77. Also holding another person's hand because they're afraid, because you're at the very back of the group.

78. Laughing because it wasn't that scary until you got to the river.

79. Calling your band buddy in Texas on your friend's cellphone, because you need advice on something.

80. Getting party-boyed by Nathan because he brought his I-Pod with him.

81. Watching Paul explaining how his parents think he is gay, telling everyone he wasn't gay, then getting party-boyed three seconds later by Nathan.

82. Having a party-boy mosh pit in the low brass room.

83. While making band props, teaching 7th grade marchers to dirty dance is fun.

84. Singing 'Seasons of Love' while walking to band class.

85. Licking marshmallows and sticking them to the band director's door.

86. Sneaking into the director's office to get reeds or mouthpieces.

87. Laugh when your field commander takes the band director's place and acts like a Russian.

88. Sam telling Soviet Russia jokes.

89. You know you have weird band friends when each one can do a different accent and speak at least one different language.

90. You also know your band friends are crazy when you see them carrying Paul (who is a senior and weighs 112 lbs) who is wearing a Batman mask with a orange handkerchief.

91. Having your two baritone friends tie you up and say you're their property.

92. When you go to class, your classmates asked you what happened at band camp, and you make up so many lies to make them think band is awesomer than it already is.

93. Reading the band director's ten commandments.

94. Hanging out after school in the instrument rooms because you have no where else to go.

95. Crying because all the cool people are seniors or juniors...and they're leaving soon.

96. Calling your section leader mother, and making her so mad that you won't call her Tiffany.

97. Wanting to kill the flute section because they can't get a part right.

98. Getting even more fed up because you can play that part and your own, and beg the band teacher to let you play it instead.

99. Wearing your cool band hats that Nathan's mom made for everyone, and collecting each one. Then wearing both to make yourself look stupid and make non-band members want to buy them.

100. Remembering that your parents or guardians wanted you in cheerleading or football, and you chose band instead, and laugh and say "Thank God!"

xxxxxxXxxxxxx

These were all witnessed or done (or not done) by real people in my band and in other bands.

These people who helped me with this list, include: K.C. (she doesn't want me to put her name still), me, my strange band friend in Texas named David, saxypitgirl07, Debra, and Kaeli.


	3. The More The Better

I do not own HMS/HHS band, but if I did...I would make it awesome...

Now for another...100 things that happen to band kids:

1. Watching your band director climb the scaffolding.

2. Watching your band director chuck a chair and break one of it's legs.

3. Sucking your reed during a regular class.

4. Watching your choir teacher nearly fall off the scaffolding because your band director is pounding on it.

5. Asking your band director how old he is and laughing at his response.

6. Hearing your band director cuss makes your day brighter.

7. Flirting with football players and/or band members, and trying to get their numbers.

8. Finding 5 bucks in the bathroom, and having the whole band mad because you're five dollars richer.

9. Watching J.T. dance, with the tuba.

10. Creating a modeling dance with the song "I'm A Kitty-Cat"

11. DO NOT STICK THINGS IN THE TUBAS

12. During a practice, you attempt to hold a cup of water and play your instrument, and also thinking "Hey, the teacher isn't going to see that BRIGHT blue pepsi cup".

13. Laughing because you're a tuba player, and can get away with a lot of stuff.

14. Sticking your sheet music in your sax bell.

15. Having a water drinking contest, and having the person who won, puke.

16. Nearly peeing on the bus, because your band director is too stubborn to stop.

17. Laura always yelling at people because they won't do things correctly.

18. When you are too scared to litter the field and need a place to put your pepsi cup, find the nearest pocket and/or bra.

19. Laugh when it looks like you have a third boob from said cup.

20. Realizing the bass drums taped their music to the drum, so they wouldn't forget it.

21. Dying of even more laughter because your most rivaled and hated team/band played with lyres and you didn't.

22. Sticking a lacy thong in a random clarinet player's case, and them actually keeping it.

23. Falling in love with a colorguard male, who turned out to sadly be gay.

24. Having your best friend's mom call the band director various names that I cannot even say on here because they're so bad, and all of us dying because half of it was true.

25. Instead of bowling, you were at Subway, hanging out with your band buddies.

26. Remembering that almost half your boyfriends were bandies.

27. Having a band-aide stick up for you when the band director is screaming his head at you.

28. Having said band-aide later hate your guts and make stuff up about you.

29. Twisting your ankle because you were getting water.

30. Remembering how you even got in band.

31. Remembering how your band teacher hoped you were on clarinet forever, and laughing because the new one has put you on three other instruments since he left.

32. Having your soon going away band director tell you the new director is a short man with a tiny mustache who likes to eat fruit salad.

33. Having the same band teacher teach you how to do intrepretive dance.

34. Laughing because you still know a show from like...two or three years ago.

35. Having a band director who allowed you to go on stage and state 'Your Mama' jokes on his last day.

36. Eating on the band bus, and amusing yourself by crunching chips loudly and making the bus driver wonder where the heck it's coming from.

37. Sending tons of band-o-grams to your old band director.

38. Making Mark send a band-o-gram out that says "Hi" and giving him a name tag.

39. Wanting to kill your band husband's sister because she thinks you are a player.

40. Having a year older person trying to say you're out of line, as well as quite a few others, and her being the one wrong.

41. Having a boy in your section who is NEVER in line, no matter how much you tell him.

42. Crying because you can't play one part.

43. Seeing another band, with a field commander's outfit that looks just like last year's colorguard uniforms.

44. Having ugly colorguard uniforms almost EVERY year.

45. And the colorguard always complaining at everything.

46. Remembering something funny during attention, then freaking out because you missed the step-off or your first note.

47. Realizing that half of your band is made up of idiots, that make it so much funner.

48. Laughing at yourself, cause you called yourself an idiot.

49. Getting strep throat three days after you had the heat stroke.

50. Crying because now you're going to miss band due to the strep throat.

51. THEN getting in trouble for missing band because of that stupid strep throat.

52. Giving your friends colds and other sicknesses, and then catching them later again.

53. Having fights with your plumes.

54. Having a feather fall out of your plume (which is rare) and having a fight over who should get it.

55. Having Jo-hoes (Jehovah Witnesses) in band, that hate their religion and make band so much funnier.

56. Having said Jo-hoes talk about conventions and mocking them during a practice.

57. Talking about how we should kill the flute section, then when one flute player comes near us we act all polite and smile...and wave.

58. Walking down dark hallways in the school, and scaring the band-aides and younger bandies.

59. Having Logan accidentally walking into the girls bathroom.

60. During the painting prop sessions, mainly using the male restroom as a cleaning facility.

61. Having a younger band member walking in the bathroom and using it in front of three females.

62. Stopping at Meijer to buy donuts at 7:30 am, after a long trip to the performance place.

63. Having a low brass section that never knows when to stop playing.

64. Then them blaming you because you have poofy hair and they can't see around it.

65. Singing "Phantom of the Opera" before a practice.

66. Having a trombone player hit you with their slide.

67. Having a baritone player somehow hit you in the head, but when you look behind you, he's like...two feet away.

68. During pep band, you knock your music down repeatedly.

69. Jesse and Mark being idiots even more, and knocking your music down a hole in the side of the bleachers.

70. Never getting that music back, even after you lost four packets and four Crazy Trains.

71. Always having someone be stupid and knock your bass clarinet down.

72. Having a senior stick up for you, because your supposed friends are telling people you are a player and do things that most normal girls don't.

73. Always remembering to wear long sleeves when it's cold, or else you may freeze you butt off under your uniform.

74. When someone not from band that is the same sex as you makes fun of you or your body, laugh and say "Well look at you, you aren't any better you anorexic/fat freak! Also why you staring so much? Didn't you know, I AINT BISEXUAL!" And walk off and eat your food happily.

75. Laugh when that person tries to beat you up, but fails because the band parents or your band friends cut them off from contact with you.

76. Then you wonder why the heck they were seriously looking at you that whole time.

77. 'Must be a whore thing' You say to yourself.

78. Getting candy before a performance OR a game is always a bonus and makes any bandie happy.

79. Except Kathy and me.

80. Bologna makes us happy.

81. When you see someone in need, help them instead of making fun of them. Band geeks are always known for good deeds.

82. Who knows, you might get free donuts. :)

83. When in need for a hiding place...the low brass room is always a good spot. Hide under uniforms, behind cases, or under raincoats.

84. Never face the toilet when opening your bibs, or else everything you have in those pockets, will suddenly plop out.

85. Making spectators look at you and thinking you are touching your breasts, when really, you're trying to get your cellphone or money out of the bib pocket.

86. Spazzing out because your crush is on the band dvd, so you beg your friend to watch it...TEN TIMES IN A ROW.

87. Fighting with your friends over which song was better in your show.

88. Telling band jokes and/or making some up.

89. Trying to make "Give Me More" by Britney Spears, a pep band song.

90. Accidentally playing your enemy's instrument.

91. Laughing when the colorguard spill hair gel and attempt to slide and fall on their butts.

92. Hearing your band director countlessly scream "RESET" or "OPENING SET" EVERY DAY.

93. Then groaning and yelling at the person who got the set wrong.

94. Singing "You Shook Me All Night Long" and "Crazy Train" like a bunch of crazy people.

95. Wondering why the 'new' tuba players can't get a chromatic scale right, and then laughing cause neither one can read bass clef yet.

96. Then saying some smart remark, because you used to play tuba and at least you can read it.

97. Somehow you're miraculously in band, even though you can't read the music given (I have to literally have Tiffany or someone else playing to get it right. D:). But there is also knowing that there is hope.

98. Taking stupid pictures of you and the band saluting and standing on chairs.

99. Memorizing music, and forgetting one or two pieces, and then going to school the next day and those are your main pieces.

100. Laughing because school was cancelled, and you watched your band teacher get REALLY MAD cause he lives two hours away and still got there on time.

xxxxxxXxxxxxx

These were all witnessed or done (or not done) by real people in my band and in other bands.

These people who helped me with this list, include: K.C. (she doesn't want me to put her name still), me, my strange band friend in Texas named David, saxypitgirl07, Debra, The White Rabbit 08, and Kaeli.


	4. You've Got To Be Kidding? 100 More?

300 THINGS WE DO IN BAND ALREADY?

I'm on a roll. I would like to thank the few people that are helping me.

P.S. I don't still don't own my band D:

xxxxxxXxxxxxx

1. Watching your friend clean his baritone by pouring water in it. Then watching him try to play too.

2. Hanging out after school, just to polish your instruments.

3. Screaming at a contest that if you want your shoes polish, come straight to me (or Steph).

4. Laughing when your band director adds beats to measures, that were never there.

5. Calling your best/boy/girl friend during a concert and letting them listen to your whole performance.

6. Believing everything the seniors said your first year, then the next finding out from the seniors of this year, that half of it was false.

7. Naming a slap-stick "Hardy".

8. Two weeks later you name your clarinet "Hardy Jr."

9. Watching a male senior wear lip gloss and a tiara.

10. Watching the (ex)tuba players carry a random person on a stretcher.

11. Walking into the band room your first day, and wondering how the heck those gummi-bears got up there.

12. Then you ask Paul or Seth, and they tell you it's a long story.

13. It's pretty bad, when your marching band wins more competitions than your football team wins games.

14. You always wonder why the heck the football players tell you that you guys suck, when you guys won a contest in Kentucky and Cincinnati, while they've lost three games in a row.

15. Wondering how any girl in band could date the section leader of the trumpets, when he's lied/cheated to/on almost all of them.

16. Getting fed up with your sax/clarinet/bass clarinet/or other reed instrument, because it won't play.

17. Always wondering why it took the clarinets 4 seconds to put their instruments together, when the bass clarinet only has two major parts.

18. Then also wondering why it takes clarinets so long to wet the reeds.

19. You faintly remember dedicating a love song to your band director.

20. And him and the assistant freaking out because that song was about sex.

21. Begin wondering who the heck named these musical phrases such as "ritard" and "píu moso".

22. Finding sheet music back from your first year, and laughing because it's incredibly idiotic and repetitive.

23. Finding drill charts in your bedroom from two shows ago.

24. Asking yourself how crazy the band teacher is, because he's named his trombone "The Battle Bone".

25. Watching your band teacher sing high pitched, when he has a deep voice.

26. You know your friends are immature when they keep calling Paul's instrument a 'Boner'.

27. Singing "Sexy Questions" in a little kid voice, while walking to the stands.

28. Knowing that everyone is watching and decide to dance while you're at it.

29. Knowing you're not popular, just because you enjoy instruments that aren't popular like guitar and drums.

30. Hoping that you can use your experience to make a band and be successful.

31. Freaking out when someone slams the low brass room's door, and a tuba falls off the top shelf.

32. Please keep in mind, that I don't know why that tuba was on that shelf, but I think it was because that tuba was 'broken' and didn't have a case.

33. Laughing because that was the same tuba that had the sprite bottle lodged in it.

34. Knowing your school instruments are so old, that most the baritones don't even look like they're from 2000.

35. Finding clarinet reeds in a clarinet that hasn't been used in at least 12 years, and laughing cause the reeds haven't been used, and are still good.

36. Getting out of math class early every day, just by saying "I need to get my bass case", and the teacher laughing and saying, "OH! You mean that space case!"

37. You know you're loved slightly by your science teacher when she says she used to play the same instrument as you and calls you Squidward when she gets the chance.

38. Drawing in band class, because you know the flutes or trombones won't get their part right.

39. Sliding and dropping a baritone sax case because the floor was wet.

40. Having ice sliding competitions with your band buds outside the band room steps/fire escape.

41. While playing "Force of Nature", a song that mimics a thunderstorm, a huge storm hits over the school.

42. Your fingers nearly freezing off because your a flute or clarinet player, and you have to cut the tips of the gloves off.

43. Putting hand-warmers in your bib pockets, which rub against your chest area.

44. Meeting other bandies and making them afraid of you.

45. Laughing when they ask you what you play, and you say "Tuba" when you're really skinny and medium height.

46. Them asking you how the heck you hold that tuba.

47. Yelling at flutes because they can't keep their instruments up, when it weighs LESS THAN A TROMBONE OR BASS DRUM.

48. Hearing a flute player say "I can't play my part with Jamie next to me, because she's a first and she confuses me", when it's just another flute player.

49. Then you wonder, how is that confusing, because you play bass clarinet, and sit by saxophones and flutes.

50. Asking yourself "When will the band family END?"

51. Debra running up to you, hitting you in the head and running away saying "NEVER".

52. It's sad when you have friends who joined band out of jealousy.

53. People annoying the heck out of you in regular classes saying, "This one time at band camp" right in front of you to tick you off.

54. Then thinking, what you really did at band camp and laughing.

55. Dumping a gallon water jug all over your best friend's head.

56. Popsicle fights.

57. Teaching little kids that Paul is the only man-whore in HHS Marching Band.

58. Teaching his younger brother to follow in his older brother's footsteps and also become a man-whore.

59. Wondering why there is a battle over who's the next man-whore when Paul leaves...

60. Cause we all know it's Mark, even though he's afraid of women (he's not gay).

61. You know you'd be good for the low brass section if you can play a B flat and make it sound better than two of the trombone players in HHS.

62. You know your fellow tuba playing friend is weird if he makes out with his tuba more than his at-the-time-of-this-joke girlfriend.

63. Making jokes about pussies and the band director...and saying he's only seen the musical cats and his own cats.

64. Making your friend tell the band director what the heck Brokeback Mountain is.

65. Calling the tuba players the actors of Brokeback Mountain.

66. Pushing your fellow band mates of a swing set and Big Toy.

67. Laugh when they climb back up and the section leader of the trumpets pushes them right back down...

68. Making a Titanic scene out of an Ohio steamboat.

69. Paul freaking out during that scene, because he's afraid of heights.

70. Helping your male/female friends change when you're the opposite sex, and it not being remotely sexual.

71. Nearly getting shanked by the trumpet section leader, by a key.

72. Dubbing him Mickey Mouse (kingdom hearts) because of it.

73. "You may take the field for competition" ALWAYS makes you smile a bit.

74. You wish you were the announcer guy at your championships and contests.

75. Singing in the stands before they announce who won.

76. When your field commander starts dancing, you follow and so does the rest of the band after you're done looking at each other stupidly.

77. Singing about the sun and the moon and having a form in your show where you made these two things.

78. Having the band director say, "Dazzle us with your moon, flutes and clarinets".

79. Having two band-aides (who are brothers) who claim to have gay band family incest.

80. Your band director literally writes a note to himself in huge text.

81. Always being told to be quiet, even though, you're not the one doing anything.

82. You know you're a band geek when you take extra time to practice your instrument, clean it, make sure it's properly in the case, and making sure your uniform is clean.

83. You also know you're a band geek when your call time for a band event is in 7 hours, and you show up at least 3 hours early.

84. Getting locked in a sousa case.

85. Getting called to a contest at 6 in the morning, 2 freaking hours before you have leave, and then having to go out on the field and practice your show.

86. Pulling up band boys' shirts to see if their boxers/briefs stick out.

87. Spelling words and then going...OOOOOOOOH!

88. Singing "Leader of the Pack" and "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on the back of the bus.

89. Yelling "Who Dey" on the back of the bus...

90. Begging your band teacher for a song that has chanting.

91. Then chanting demonicly and getting in trouble.

92. Crying when you got in trouble.

93. Having Mr.Grow catch you making out with someone.

94. Having your band director talk about David Bowie.

95. Then hear him sing some songs...

96. Hear your band director having constant fits over not playing the music right, when half the time, you did.

97. Having your teacher stop class to talk about South Park.

98. Have your BD act like an old lady.

99. Your BD asks you to play like Megatron was coming back.

100. Talking about how Transformers is cool, and having the band teacher never shut up about it...

xxxxXxxxx

This chapter was helped on by of course, saxypitgirl07 (cause she originally started these!), Kaeli, K.C., Mariah, and all the stupid people that did this.


	5. 401 to 500!

1. You're walking up the bleachers during a game, then fall down because you tripped on a trumpet, of all things.

2. Talking about your weight loss plan with your band brother.

3. Breaking three drum heads in two months...

4. Breaking seven drumsticks...in one month.

5. One of the band-aides' noses is bleeding, and randomly he points at the closest female saying "She perioded on my leg!" cause the blood got on his pants.

6. Regret having a sister, because she brags constantly about you...

7. When you write narratives in English, they're mostly about band things.

8. Playing "In The Valley of The Ancients" at a church talent show..

9. Fighting in the pool at the band pool party.

10. Climbing on top of each other in the pool to make a tower of people...

11. Afraid you are going to drown at that same pool party...

12. Winning the limbo contest...

13. Having hug sex in the lobby of the basketball court.

14. Singing "Sunshine on my nutsack makes me happy" in an echoing hallway.

15. Always getting the band-aide who hates your guts in trouble.

16. Your weight loss plan includes going to band camp over the summer, and not eating breakfast.

17. Eating chocolate cereal before practicing your marching...not a good thing.

18. Singing rather loudly in the bleachers during a basketball game.

19. You know you have problems when you sing Chacarron Macarron and you are very good at it. So good, that your BD and friends have trouble understanding you for weeks.

20. Making Asian jokes, because Kathy is the only Asian in band.

21. Getting off-step constantly or getting the set wrong, making the lead clarinet or saxophone player REALLY angry.

22. You can't make a straight line without the lead clarinetist telling you where to move.

23. I feel sorry for the guy that marries that lead clarinetist...

24. Always missing the days of band where your section is being yelled at.

25. Always getting really angry because you can never prove yourself to the director.

26. Mouthing off the band teacher.

27. Making jokes about the BD, to his face and behind his back.

28. You groan and cry every time **the block **is taken out.

29. Watching the lead baritonist bow down and hail **the block**.

30. Watching one of the sax players bash him in the head for it.

31. Denying the lead trumpet player a seat at your table because he is so full of himself.

32. Having only two flute players out of eight that can play the part written.

33. Having a bunch of band dorks write music for pep band, including "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath.

34. Playing the bells part better than the real percussionists.

35. You cry when you know your part so well, and the other sections don't.

36. Having a 7th grade trumpet player, that plays better than the lead trumpetist, who is an 11th grader.

37. Jazzisms...whatever those are...lol

38. Your BD talks about his Pink Floyd moment, which involves drug busts and clouds of weird smelling smoke.

39. You laugh when your BD says he's not a pothead, and the kid behind you says "Sure, Mr.Grow"

40. Getting yelled at a basketball game for playing "Tequila" when we are banned, and then having EVERYONE talk about it the next week.

41. Laugh because you and your buds started the song.

42. Your band director loves to whine about your whining more than you whine...(Did that make any sense?)

43. Your BD makes big deals over stupid things that don't relate to band, when we could be playing.

44. Getting caught in the band room, trying to keep warm.

45. Playing musical chairs, standing up on the chairs, and falling down, causing your band director to get extremely pissed.

46. Crying when your old band director leaves.

47. Standing outside on a windy, summer day, and practicing the fight song and alma mater.

48. While outside, having a flute player teach you last year's show.

49. Not knowing your part when you're the only one with it.

50. Learning songs randomly on your instrument to brag about.

51. Having the lead trumpet and lead tuba wanting to kill you and plotting.

52. Plotting to kill the lead trumpet and his girlfriend.

53. Trying to gain muscle so you can play tuba the next year.

54. Always dreaming of being in colorguard, when you know you are stuck on instruments.

55. Randomly tell your BD that your quitting to make him feel extreme anger.

56. Tricking your BD in jazz band if your a trumpet by sitting down almost the whole rehearsel.

57. Dying of laughter when the trumpets ask to sit down during their soli/solos.

58. Happy you are a sax or trombone/baritone, meaning you can sit the WHOLE rehearsel.

59. Falling on ice in front of all the 'cool' band kids.

60. Your field commander doesn't believe in cussing, so instead she goes "You 'Itch!!"

61. Getting attacked by your field commander.

62. Watching junior bandies fight...and fail miserably.

63. Screaming "IN YOUR FACE" to the lead tuba's face when you get a second year on the sousaphone.

64. Calling and leaving voice mails to him, bugging him further.

65. Calling the other tuba player, announcing how much you are better than him.

66. Kicking the lead tuba player's nuts, and watch him run about in pain (trust me...it was worth it. He is trying to kill me).

67. It's sad, that most female band members enjoy reading the Twilight series.

68. It's even more strange though, that some of the male population in band, read it as well, and love it.

69. You have three players that tend to play really loud in band, but can't play worth crap.

70. Wishing you hadn't switched instruments, cause the old one had a cool part.

71. Yelling random phrases in the low brass room.

72. Walking in on a low brass member talking to themself in that room...

73. Walking in on the tuba and baritone players singing "Iron Man".

74. You only know French, German, and Spanish through band, because they always find a way to use it in class.

75. Sticking a tub of butter in the lead tuba's case and hoping it melts and makes the case smell nastier than it does(I am plotting this one... :3).

76. Throwing bottles and wrappers off the top bleacher, hitting 7-12 year old boys.

77. Somehow, a bottle smacks you in the head three minutes later.

78. Half the band is obsessed with Weird Al...

79. Nearly 92 of the band went through a Teen Titan, Spider-Man, JLU, or Transformers phase.

80. More than half the band loves Star Wars and Space Balls.

81. Transformers and Legos were a crazy thing with us too... :3

82. Missing the down-beat because you were texting a friend.

83. Having an instrument room/band hall dance-off.

84. Cringing at the person next to you, because they have horrible tone.

85. You're a true band nerd if you can tune by ear.

86. Wishing the band family wasn't so confusing...

87. The trumpets have a thing for asking the BD every few months if they can have a Halo show.

88. Making up random parts to pep band songs.

89. It's pretty sad when your band director catches you making out in the instrument room, and then has to put a sign saying you did it.

90. Always telling Debra that she isn't important during band class.

91. Also having conversations with her, saying "I'm watching you" or "I hate you".

92. Mr.Grow telling us that ants got into his food...and explaining how we were similar to ants.

93. Instead of yelling "Go team" or "Go Indians" you yell "BLAMO!" cause we 'love Jesus'.

94. Learning that if a guy is singing for a lady, the only way he truly means it is if he goes a half step higher (we learned this at a band dinner!)

95. Yelling weird phrases on the band bus.

96. Taking random pictures of the person next to you while they are sleeping, then posting them on myspace to freak the crap out of them.

97. Advertising yourself at band competitions, to see who would buy you.

98. Laughing when you get a bunch of girls buying you, when you are a girl.

99. Band people being friends with you because you are Mexican, Asian...etc.

100. Hearing horrible trumpet solos at championships.


	6. Band 101

OMG

**500** things already!!!!  
I AM EXCITED! Cause HHS/HMS is getting funnier and stupider.

1. Getting weird nicknames because of how you play.

2. Catching stupid from choir kids in a clarinet sectional.

3. Your BD telling you he has to go to a funeral, and your best friend screaming "YES"

4. Your BD tells you that old women like him to sing at their funerals.

5. He also tells you he has a way with old women...

6. Being told practice was better without your section D:

7. Getting named assistant section leader!

8. Having a section leader who can't yell or be mean.

9. Figuring out 450 ways to kill the lead trumpet, his gf, and the lead tuba.

10. You wonder why everyone is plotting against you in band...

11. A trumpute...the result of flute/trumpet sex.

12. Clarbone...result of clarinet/trombone sex.

13. Bathing with your instrument.

14. Eating with your instrument.

15. Doing god knows what with it...

16. Straddling a tuba case.

17. Riding a tuba case like a bull.

18. Singing the Halleujah Chorus when you find out all the bad players and loud mouths are either quitting or are seniors!

19. Getting text messages about things that happen in band, to write on this thing.

20. Band people equal People who can read, but can't count.

21. Smart band people equal People who can do both!

22. Vivace equal the dreaded word used to make clarinets and saxophones groan.

23. ...Since I have been in band...I've never had a normal birthday party; have you?

24. Dyslexic band people equal people who can count, but can't read music.

25. Instead of learning B and C, you were walking around the church (the place where you learned and played).

26. Learning and playing your instrument, in a church.

27. Always whining, because your stand broke (those stupid metal ones).

28. Always getting out of reading class cause of band.

29. Planning a field trip for jazz band during school hours, so you can get out of all your classes.

30. The BD actually taking up the offer.

31. Putting slurs in the music, when there are staccatos.

32. Vice versa.

33. Somehow you confuse Rock music with Swing in Jazz Band.

34. You always wonder if Marching Band is a sport...

35. You're so tired of band jokes.

36. Wishing you could have a overnighter in the band hallway and rooms.

37. Breaking your instrument during marching season, because you play so loud and beat it to death.

38. Bad tone resulting from beating.

39. Attempting to throw your instrument at the intercom, due to interruptions from middle school.

40. Your science teacher suddenly sounds just like your band director...

41. Now that you think about it, you kinda see the similarities...

42. Actually throwing your instrument at the intercom, but then having it caught by the lead trombonist.

43. Throwing candy at each other on Friday night games.

44. Having a trombone war.

45. Your band director randomly says "Hill of beans"

46. Your BD brags about the jazz band, and whines about the Choral Director whining.

47. You understand that most people have a bad day, but when your teacher says your squeaking and you're not...something's up.

48. The only thing you know about the squiggly note towards the end of the jazz piece, is that you have to play random notes in one to two counts.

49. Teaching trombones how to do it.

50. The lead tuba is trying desperately to make you look bad...because he believes he will dictate the low brass next year.

51. Randomly yelling or whispering Kathy's name to freak her out or make her say "Shut up".

52. Once a band dork, most likely always will be one.

53. Remembering how you were in Honor Band and it didn't work out too well... ;D

54. Your sax friend falls in love with the first chair bari sax player from the opposing school.

55. You play better when your partner-in-crime (person on the same instrument or part) is gone.

56. Nearly getting killed each day by a section's tone.

57. Your band always missing the down-beat of the B flat scale.

58. Your old BD used to work out...and it showed.

59. Your friends joined band for the 'hot' teacher, then realized he was a mean man.

60. Staying after and playing Phantom of the Opera on the piano.

61. Planning to embarrass the lead trombonist in front of the guest conductor.

62. The band blames the second chair trombonist for not putting a stand away, when the lead tro. made it look like it was her, then getting into huge arguements over it.

63. Your BD comes to the conclusion we should all dim the lights, wait for Paul to walk in, and sit in a half circle during jazz band, and ask him, "Do we need to have a little intervention".

64. Tutorials on how to make band people put their stand away.

65. Stand intervention...oh the hilarity.

66. Chair therapy...(if your chairs have been abused like ours, they need this..)

67. Chair repair hospital...you get the point.

68. The air conditioner leaks..all over you.

69. When you hear your BD yell "Jesse!" you need to stay after to watch what is going to happen.

70. Walking down/up the band steps, in the snow, with a big instrument case...not the best idea.

71. Heck, even in good weather its bad.

72. You hate it when your friends at other schools brag about already playing a piece you've played.

73. Planning on bringing condoms to an over nighter so you can fill them with jello and use KY lubricant to make it slippery. Then, you play "Pass the Condom", until it busts... ;D (Blame my friend, she came up with it).

74. You know everyone's name in band as "The Sousa Player" or "Lead Sax" etc.

75. The substitute for band asks you what you were doing in band, because you weren't practicing, and you reply "I'm practicing my rests!"

76. Spilling a drink, picking it up and putting the lid on it, and acting like you never spilled it all period.

77. Now the floor smells bad from whatever you spilled in the carpet.

78. Somehow...you got married your first year of marching band.

79. Your best friend in band decides he's going to shave his legs and flaunt them.

80. Your BD throws his baton at one kid, when it hits you instead.

81. You and your friends stuff food in a seventh grade percussionist's bag, so you won't get in trouble on the band bus.

82. Watching your friend (who plays bass drum) trip over the ONLY patch of grass on the field.

83. Watching the same friend nearly get killed by J.T. in the process.

84. Plumes equal Chickens

85. Mirrors equal Shineys

86. Your BD tells you all about how he slid and fell, sprawled out on the ground.

87. He also tells you were at the age of "the talks" and he goes "Yeah, I went there!"

88. How we got from music to sex...I don't know.

89. Your intercom has had its cord pulled many times.

90. As well as Channel One..

91. Your I-Pod or MP3 player begins playing rather loudly during a subsituted class, and the drum major takes it from you.

92. Then everyone asks you want song it was.

93. Your hats and uniform make you look like candy, navy seals, soldiers, nutcrackers, or Nazis.

94. The opposing team's band wouldn't march in the mud, so your BD and everyone else decides we will to prove them we're better.

95. The year you were a band-aide, the drumline boys and a mello all go on the football's intercom system and sing one of their famous songs known "Whip Cream (Grab those grapes)" and using helium to make weird voices.

96. Randomly your BD talks to God and calls him a Dude...

97. Modeling and strutting, before and after putting a uniform on.

98. Party boying people while they're changing on the band bus.

99. Becoming close with the band bus driver.

100. Randomly getting hug-raped by the youngest marching trumpet.

These were all witnessed or done (or not done) by real people in my band and in other bands.

These people who helped me with this list, include: K.C. (she doesn't want me to put her name still) Debra, McCaylee, Emily, Haleigh, Mariah, Wolfy Tonks Kakashi, Whitney H, Meghan, Nathan, and Kaeli. Also, I really need more ideas, because my band is just like...70-something people or less, and I need more stupid funny things. D:

If you have anything, please, message me or email !!

YOU WILL BE CREDITED FOR WHAT CHAPTER YOU GIVE AN IDEA ON.


	7. Oh The Bandness

ONLY 400 more to go!

Can I do it?

Who knows! But HHS needs your help on this, so keep sendin' in the stupidity.

1. Making up your own standing at attention routine, which involves various choreography and the stupid saying "Rawr Dinosaur" or "Gotta Go Fast".

2. Instead of "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" its "How many resets does it take to make a bandie tick?"

3. You realize the whole music department is obsessed with your poofy hair... :[

4. But they still threaten to cut your bangs, because they're in your face.

5. Understanding that contests make us their slaves.

6. Remembering the day we all decided to write down all these stupid band things.

7. Realizing how boring band is going to be when you and your idiotic friends are gone.

8. Passing down your knowledge to younger bandies, so band will be much funner through-out the years.

9. Throwing scissors up on the ceiling and having them stick.

10. Wondering when they're going to fall...

11. You remember the tuner that your old BD stuck to the water machine.

12. Acting like a retard at attention, to GAIN attention.

13. Kissing random band guys/girls.

14. Acting like you are screwing another person in a stall.

15. Acting like you are fighting to make your BD wonder...

16. Your band director somehow sits you next to your ex and your enemy.

17. Then eventually puts your band mom next to you again, like the good old days.

18. Wondering how it takes five people to put up a clarinet...

19. Your Asian friend accidentally calls the guest director Mr. Please instead of Mr. Pease.

20. She also tries to act like your BD, in hopes to make you laugh.

21. The breathing exercises make you feel like your having a baby..

22. Or crapping...

23. Your BDs have always had a history of loving cereal, salads, steak, and twinkies.

24. Having clarinet sectionals with the choir director.

25. Realizing you broke your instrument and are too afraid to tell the director.

26. The two people on your part telling you that they'll survive without you (in a mean, "I hate you" tone).

27. Nearly fainting during a band picture, due to the massive heat.

28. Falling on the youngest trumpet after marching while sick.

29. Your uniform makes your band get the nickname "Power Rangers" or "Oompah Loompas"

30. The result of bass drums and clarinets having sex: Bass clarinet (hah, not funny).

31. Talking about a song, and next thing you know, your BD starts singing a different one.

32. Your BD finds out about your friend thinking he's 50, when he's really 35.

33. Your BD tells you you're in a fishbowl and the only way to get out is to get a one at contest Friday.

34. He also tells you his fly was down for almost half the rehearsel, and then says "Either you just were into the music that much, or you were fascinated by everything hanging out" Note Our BD is a big guy.

35. Everything thinking he was meaning...his...you get the point...

36. Healthy crescendos...whatever the hell those are.

37. Clarfully. Definition: to closely clarify something.

38. Nearly passing out after your friend gives you tylenol.

39. Your BD owns a metal clarinet and it was pressed down to make wall-art in his office.

40. He also owns a Fisher-Price trombone.

41. Going through the pep band and concert band music in the huge cabinets above the percussion.

42. Looking through-out the band room, bored.

43. Spitting or throwing pencils or other objects out the band windows, trying to hit people or just hear PLOP!

44. Skipping to band, arm and arm.

45. The person next to you took a bathroom break, so you attempt to steal their instrument.

46. Getting evil looks from the lead clarinet while chanting in "Threnody".

47. Dancing during a one minute break.

48. Strangely, our band only likes pepperoni, cheese, or pepperoni and mushroom pizza.

49. Going to wal-mart with your fellow bandies, and sticking boxes of condoms in the most randomest places.

50. Scaring your band brother by flaunting white panties.

51. the lead saxophone killing you for the flaunting.

52. Making up a boob dances to during the parts you don't play.

53. Making a song for the chanting.

54. Sounding like a duck when you play with a new reed.

55. Somehow you break your reed instrument while it sounds like a duck.

56. The BD says you are "too stiff" ;D

57. Warm sound...is that supposed to mean we make things warm with our screeching?

58. BD tells you to "Lift yourself up" in the music.

59. You want to stand up so bad.

60. Your BD sounds like a navy seal.

61. Your band ran out of percussionists, so he gets a middle school trumpet player to do the bell part, less then three days before contest.

62. Might I mention he's the same trumpet who hug rapes.

63. Your BD jumps around the stage, trying to convince you to play.

64. You secretly laughing from this event.

65. Forgetting to write things in the music that are supposed to help you or make it better.

66. Playing during a measure you're not supposed to, and sounding horrible when you did it.

67. Telling younger bandies that they can buy amatures. and watching him do it.

68. Begging your band mom to let you wear her keychain necklace.

69. Playing with it, and the BD getting pissed at you.

70. Begging the BD to let you play an instrument, and he refuses, even though you are good.

71. Saucy! I don't know WHY my BD keep saying it in Jazz Band, but it's scary.

72. Actually having some little kid go to your BD and ask for that amature you mentioned earlier in the band things.

73. EAR CANDY! A sound that make your ear just want to go hyper:/

74. TONE POEMS! Poems made into songs!

75. Your field commander somehow gets a rap out of a speech given to the trumpets.

76. Suddenly, your BD talks about glowing treasure chests.

77. Everyone going "Awww" over it.

78. Spending a rehearsel teaching flutes how to play their instruments, when they are high schoolers.

79. Having sectionals, and the sub decides to let you guys stop playing if you feel you are 'experts'.

80. Laughing, because the worst player of your section stops playing.

81. Threatening sections to play better and louder by saying you'll make them the Honorary Sucky Section.

82. Your BD stops class cause he heard you and the saxes laughing over calling your Asian friend the 'Asian Dorothy'.

83. Certain sections can't play without you spelling (by spelling, we mean adding/subtracting fingers, and other things to play the music) it out to them.

84. Spending most of your band rehearsels working on tone and notes that sections don't learn on their own time.

85. The lead clarinetist is afraid of you and your insanity...

86. You believe she is psychotic though and wants to kill you.

87. Somehow making the lead saxophone laugh, even though she hates your guts and you didn't do or say something stupid/bad.

88. The lead tuba telling you he is possibly quitting band.

89. Your band husband/wife attempts to get you off tuba, so you won't kill yourself.

90. The second chair (next in line for section leader) player of your section announcing she/he is stepping down and making you section leader.

91. Realize all the screaming that will result.

92. Somehow you know, you're going to be like that lead clarinetist, who always screams at people for not making a line right or curves.

93. The lead trumpet gets on your matchmaker test.

94. Your band dad always makes you late to other classes by showing you band things.

95. Seeing your best friend in a band university poster.

96. Giving letters in the music weird names (I is for Istanbule).

97. Band equals bank?

98. Bellydancers...in band?

99. We have no idea why the intercom is needed in the band/choir room, but, we do know that if the music teachers take it down, something's gonna happen... :3

100. Fudge...that's all your BD talks about in one rehearsel.

Thanks to the several bunches of people who helped me on this chapter...

By the way... 300 more! So I still need help!


	8. Band Stupidity

700 already! Freaking sweet...

Like to thank the people who have been sticking to this and helping...

Like K.C. and our not-so-famous BD, Mr.Grow.

NOW...

701-800

1. The BD freaking out because he didn't have 'his stand'.

2. The BD randomly telling you that you are most likely playing a different instrument...for the millionth time now.

3. The BD has a mohawk phase every March.

4. Pulling a trumpet or flute is a major no-no.

5. Never doing the turns correctly.

6. Freaking out when you do your first parade and screw up the fight song and getting off-step.

7. Not playing soft enough, even through you weren't playing at all.

8. The lead trumpet's gf/bf gets yelled at constantly for not keeping his/her horn up or playing.

9. Talking about flavors of ice cream when you get to letter I in the song.

10. Your BD throws his baton everytime you screw up.

11. Watching him miss and not catch it or nearly fall doing it.

12. Your BD always saying "Two before (measure #). Some call it (Measure...)."

13. The lead trombone says its the trumpets faults for playing too loud and making slurs in the music.

14. Talking about playgrounds and punches...

15. Making fun of the BD because he wasn't 'tough enough' to fight when he was little.

16. The BD threatens the lead baritone, but resents it because he can play a band exercise correctly.

17. Somehow, the lead clarinet is a grammar nazi.

18. DOT NAZIS!!

19. A part in the song you play, sounds like that commercial with the dog who's singing about the flea and tick medicine his 'parents' bought him.

20. Your BD and CD fight over stupid things during your jazz band session.

21. Your BD (and various kids) throw things at the intercom.

22. Calling your BD a racist because he picked vanilla ice cream.

23. Being told, "Well, who the heck was strawberry, if you're chocolate?"

24. A section being told to play all the time, but then the BD says "Without (enter name)".

25. You think the lead trumpet is trying to look like a Mexican Elvis...D:

26. Your BD has a 'Oh no you didn't' face.

27. Your BD also has a 'black' face.

28. Oil on the shaft!

29. You're 'sticking out'.

30. You BD asks you to establish color in your music.

31. Your BD constantly says "Square Daddio".

32. FLUTIES

33. Soft and slowing down are not synonyms, but some people in band believe this.

34. Passing around chex mix during band.

35. Cute little holes (french horns have these).

36. Killing a trombone. Literally.

37. Every time your BD says "E as in Edward", the Twilight fans of the band go crazy.

38. Making a dance to the word colorful...cause that's all your BD says these days.

39. Apple falling out of the BD's mouth during class...after he'd eaten it an hour ago.

40. Stabbing a stand... Is it possible?

41. You always have to go in and out with your instrument...or back and forth.

42. Or my favorite...Up and down. ;D

43. During a marathon for bicyclists, you scream "Welcome to (town name)", and your best friend yells "And the greater part of (your county)" Because you have 4 other school districts in your county.

44. Playing pep tunes for the bicyclists.

45. A random bicyclist brings his saxophone and plays with you.

46. Stealing the BD's cake (why he had cake, you don't know).

47. Stealing the Drum Major's cape cause you wanna be Superman/woman.

48. Physics is like band...

49. Obviously so is math...

50. Learning about composers and their crazy lives...

51. Learning how composers use pen names to sell more music.

52. The BD tells you he wishes he was born 90 years ago so he wouldn't be a band teacher.

53. Pointing at your partner in crime because he did something wrong in the music.

54. Western moments in Threnody.

55. Your BD suddenly cues your section for chanting, but does it fiercely.

56. The BD and CD refer to the principals as the mafia.

57. Man how you agree with them, for once.

58. Have you noticed how much your band talks during tuning?

59. I mean it's so bad, the tuner picks up your voice instead of the person playing...

60. The phrases going into Vivace and the end of the piece sound likea spaceship is coming and leaving.

61. Having a conversation about ochestras...

62. And how mostly, Asians play string instruments.

63. The BD tells you who he is terrified by when he was younger.

64. He's still terrified of him...

65.Telling pointless stories.

66. Feeling poor because your instrument sucks and everyone has new ones.

67. When its time to leave for band, your BD did this really cool fade in the middle of the piece (climatic part) and it made it sound like a movie preview or music preview.

68. Your BD literally did a math problem to figure out how to play a song correctly. Oo

69. The BD talks about his long lost puppy.

70. Now he's a cat lover (go figure).

71. All your BDs have had cats!

72. Did I mention on #63, that the guy your BD was afraid of, was Asian?

73. Having fights over who is section leader...EVERY DAY.

74. Rap battles between the buses after competitions. Drum line vs. the trumpets.

75. Making posters nominating the band director to run for class president and hanging them everywhere.

76. Spending more time in band listening and talking about garage band compositions than practicing for the concert less than a week away.

77. Knowing what your band director eats for lunch everyday...and telling him he shouldn't eat yogurt because it'll make him fat.

78. Or twinkies.

79. Knowing exactly which boys decided to go commando for the homecoming football game.

80. Yelling at the freshmen trumpets for not guiding to the form so many times that the whole trumpet section won't talk to you for the rest of the week.

81. Checking every single bus to make sure you don't get stuck with the color guard or flutists.

82. Never making up your mind what seat your going to sit in.

83. Getting sick on the way home from another state and having to sit in the junk seat, while the whole back of the bus and singing rather loudly.

84. Throwing mini parties in the band room before games.

85. Watching the second trombonist do the dance to "Bye Bye Bye".

86. Playing Frisbee against another band, winning, and then bragging about it, even though they won the actual band competition.

87. Playing football against other bands.

88. Killing yourself during this football game, simply because its raining and you fall.

89. Nearly hitting the bus windshield with a football.

90. Eating fried oreos at the band cookouts.

91. The BD sings a pitch, and talks while doing it. And trills...while doing it.

92. Having too many dejá vú moments with flutes...

93. BD making weird motions during the cues.

94. The BD touching himself.

95. Making weird trill noises.

96. Pretending to be a flute, because they can't hold notes out longer than two counts.

97. Flutes have fun flipping off the BD during one of their high F (its just one of those crazy fingerings).

98. Fighting over grammar...in band?

99. Gunderman Day: A day specifically for a girl in our band who likes to make big deals over things our BD stops band for.

100. The BD talking about spaceships...and getting yelled at by Gunderman, but when he best friend does it...its fine..and funny.

-I got help from my band, of course, and my best friend, Kat. Also, my BD is crazy, as you can tell...

I also got help from The Square (fanfiction) and other crazy people in other bands.

Thank you!!


	9. OMG 801 to 900

OMG!!

800!

WOOT!!

1. Actually trying to make 1000 band things, and knowing most likely...you will finish.

2. The BD wanting to flip off Gunderman.

3. The BD telling the band about how he's done it several times to the CD.

4. Puking at the warm-up.

5. Kazooing with your clarinet mouthpiece or double-reed.

6. The "Grow Screen": Used to block out sound from the outside, but still allowing air particles in and out.

7. 2nd Page wars...(I don't get it either...we were fighting over who's second page was better).

8. Baritone Saxophones are made when a Baritone and Saxophone mate.

9. You Always do something to the form, that makes it wrong, causing the band to go back one freaking set...twenty times.

10. Going beserk over your friend's new instrument, which is green or black.

11. Quoting Willy Wonka on the field.

12. Talking about someone's green trumpet, and calling it gay, then saying "Who's the owner of the gay green trumpet?" And they excitingly say "I AM!".

13. Making stupid names for our instruments.

14. Making "Birdland" sound so horrible, your BD rips it up and promises we'll never play it again.

15. Two years later, the new BD wants us to play it.

16. Making paper airplanes out of our "Birdland"s and throwing them at the Greenfield spectators.

17. Also, writing stupid things in them, stating "You suck" and other worthless taunts.

18. Doing the macerena to Sexy Back.

19. It's funny how there are like...a bunch of neat freaks in the band, but the band room never stays clean.

20. Talking about Spice Girls in band, even though half of your section hates it.

21. Making stupid "ooo Crank that..." thingys.

22. In fact here's one: Ooo crank that marching band, play some crazy sh- You get the point..

23. Having a kldsjflaslkfoasdufoishfohaowuhoeh sound.

24. Tone colors.

25. Everyone trying to steal the cool chair in the BD's office.

26. The whole sax section suddenly has to have a sax hospital.

27. The trombone solo makes the lead trombonist look crazier than he already is.

28. Crowding into the BD's office.

29. When we don't play our best on Mondays...the BD calls it a "Monday Thing".

30. Pipsqueak sounding.

31. Instead of 'Ivanhoe' you accidentally say 'Imahoe'.

32. The Bagpipe Effect, similar to the kldsjflaslkfoasdufoishfohaowuhoeh sound.

33. The band is this huge family...that always have to stick together and help each other out...

34. Thus why the BD has to get the battlute/battle flute out when the flutes screw up too much.

35. Fortissitissitissimo...a new dynamic!

36. Battling the 'flute problem'.

37. April Fool's Day...The day bandies are known to be notorious on.

38. Don't stop blowing... ;D

39. Quit moving your things in and out...(Was referring to flutes after they tuned).

40. The BD's flute is not at 90 degrees.

41. Blowing too hard.. ;D

42. Rawring with your instrument...o.o

43. Getting your percussion buddies to dance with you during band class, while the BD's working with another section.

44. Percussion somehow always knock **something** over.

45. Touching the entrances.. ;D

46. Mushroom cloud of sound!

47. Chanting Gregorian chants..

48. Also chanting "I am a monk" in a deep voice.

49. The jazz band sax section plays louder than brass.

50. Dancing like flappers to a fifties song...lol

51. 'Aint no flute'.

52. Playing a trombone with snake fingers.

53. Flutes make the BD unable to play any other instrument correctly for the rest of the day.

54. BD sounds like a bird when he is being crazy.

55. The BD's sudden trumpet playing scares the second chair alto.

56. Blowing your saxophone (This one happened when I called my friend and her father told me "She's blowing her saxophone").

57. Hiding garden gnomes in the band room.

58. Laughing when your BD freaks out over said gnomes.

59. having many memories around the piano.

60. Telling the mascot to 'Drop it like it's hot'.

61. Your BD looks like she has tourettes when conducting in 5/4 (might I add I have this, and makes me laugh, because I want to be a drum major).

62. Your horn is in shop because a mouthpiece to another instrument got stuck in it.

63. Interpretative dancing to the songs while your instrument is in shop.

64. Making up various games after band such as Jazzysack, Jazzball, Jazzbowling, and Surprise!

65. Being hit by stray footballs or other balls. ;D

66. Wearing old band uniforms as costumes.

67. Wearing said 'costumes' to regular classes.

68. Your BD has gotten used to you being first into the room.

69. Stuffing people into band lockers.

70. Duct taping them to the lockers and watching them Chuck Norris kick the door open.

71. Breaking into the band room before the BD gets there, and him/her not surprised.

72. Playing Tequila right as the principal walks in to the pep rally.

73. Laughing when the football teams plays get leaked out...they name them after animals.

74. So now all you hear about is Unicorns and Platypy (xD I don't think that is the right word for more than one platypus).

75. Having the BD throw their shoe at you. Many times.

76. Having the BD give their rendition of "In The Mood" through chicken bawks

77. Blowing smarties out of your horn.

78. A band kid breaks your flip flop and you yell at them to find something to put it back together with.

79. One hour later, they show up with plastic wrap. :3

80. On your birthday, the drum major attempts to get the low brass guys to sing to you...and gang up on you.

81. You proceed to hide in a tuba cubby, but they only follow you. Then you feel as though you are in a huge band orgy.

82. The lead trombonist singing about how he wants to make beautiful babies with you.

83. Sometimes you just...need to not totally believe him and actually say "Really?" because they'll make fun of you.

84. After rejecting the drum major as your bf/gf, they proceed to tell you the next day your horn isn't high enough.

85. After much concern over this, he/she puts your horn up with no warning, and you are bleeding like crazy.

86. Screaming loudly and making a snake after games.

87. Your BD loves the traditional way of band..

88. The sousa players stick fog machines in their tubas, cover them with 'condoms' (The covers), and then when they are at the front line, they let the smoke fly.

89. The only way to fit your hair in your hat is to braid or make your hair look very silly.

90. Having your BD find a STD center card on his stand, and asking if anyone needed it.

91. Having the urge to pick it up.

92. Talking about sprinklers...and how they work.

93. Having a wimpy trumpet section.

94. As your playing through a jazz band piece, the BD stops it right as the lead trombonist starts playing his solo...which sounds amazing.

95. The BD makes nasty comments about the Cinderella play, when half the band performed in it.

96. The third chair alto in jazz band yells back "GO BACK FROM THE PIT FROM WHICH YOU CAME!"

97. Laughing at everyone because you get out of school for jazz band...

98. Bad news: You're playing for little kids.

99. Good news: TAKE OUT!!

100. The CD gave in and decided to help the jazz band, in hopes to make it better.

Thanks to my band, most likely your band, and to the messages I got, we are on our way! Only 100 more!!

Special thanks to:

K.C. for encouragement!

HHS BAND

The Square

I am Pie

Abbyreads

mellophone girl44

Paul D. (lead trombonist at my school) for being a dork in class

My BD for being utterly insane.

And to anyone else who I just forgot about..

I thank you for helping me.

We got till May 27 (When my school is out) to finish this...to be honest...we might get this done earlier and make more anyways!


	10. 901 to 1000!

OMG

100 left...

I love you.

1. FUNKY FRESH TUNES!

2. The drum major does some random hand and mouth thing...

3. I mean...it's so complicated and complex...that you don't know what the heck you should call it.

4. Teaching your BD how to say or what your name really is.

5. You know the music better than the BD...

6. BD is sad because he says Del Borgo (composer) is better than him...(no offense...but he sadly is better).

7. Being lazy and sitting back when you play.

8. Having a healthy relationship with your instrument.

9. Laughing because you've probably abused your instrument...

10. And it to you.

11. A percussionist cuts her finger and is bleeding severely...and the BD insists she plays 3 Cs in a row, and so on the last C he tells her "Now you can go bleed somewhere else".

12. He tells her to be 'fluid' with the last Cs (how ironic...she's bleeding!).

13. Everyone scrambling to give her a band-aid before we have to chant the last phrase.

14. Eavesdropping on the CD and BD's conversations.

15. Laughing because the sign with your logo on it...has Sea World 3 (miles) on the back of it.

16. I always wondered...where the heck did we get that sign from?  
17. Talking about college...and how the BD has one more master's degree than the CD.

18. Dramatics...its a band thing.

19. From what I hear...its also a symphonic choir thing...but that's what I hear in band from those students.

20. Chewing gum while playing your horn...funny..but stupid.

21. Not practicing your horn in college.

22. Talking about a BD named Ken.

23. Ken likes to cuss when he plays something wrong.

24. He also likes to cuss in the practice room, because he isn't willing to practice on his own.

25. The BD and CD wait for him to come back from his test, and when they hear the elevator ding...and random bang noises..they know it's him.

26. Failing the same band test...over and over.

27. The BD makes fun of the only Zach in band...and says he's a "Zach of..." (Sack of...you get the point...).

28. Did I mention..that since the BD has one more degree...that he hung them up to show off.

29. Yeah, we're very competitive. D:

30. A middle school flute player thinks she can sing better than you..and is always off-key or in the wrong key.

31. Wearing a newspaper hat to band.

32. The BD giving you strange looks.

33. The BD making fun of your 'hat' when its your hair. --'

34. Talking about taxes.

35. The BD talks about having kids...

36. Calling kids urchins.

37. Calling the middle school band "Little Kid Band".

38. Vice versa with the middle school.

39. The BD nagging too much.

40. Talking about the Matrix...

41. The BD is the only one allowed to tell stories..

42. Except for the lead flute, because her old school was retarded.

43. The clarinets all fall for a senior clarinetist...back when they're in fifth grade.

44. Screaming at the intercom.

45. Making jokes about the Gundermans, because there are six of them, and they've all (or are going to be) been in band.

46. Making fun of catholics and their big families.

47. Always loving the immense dance moves you get in each song.

48. Talking about how to be a good catholic.

49. Debating on what restaurant to eat out at after playing for little kids...

50. Frischin'...its a Friday night game thing...

51. Your BD explains to the freshman about **the folder **that the sight-reading judge gives you.

52. Talking about the strict rules of OMEA.

53. Realizing that the OMEA is similar to our federal government, but worse.

54. Raising our paws...Gee...I didn't know we had any of those Mr/Miss/Mrs. BD.

55. Legality in band...whatever that is!

56. Tubas screwing up the last rhythm in the sight-reading piece.

57. Almost cussing out a OMEA judge.

58. The Band Dating Game...lol

59. The BD makes you all look at each other and find a 'partner' during this game.

60. Then tells you "I don't mean actual dates. Sorry, I don't do that!"

61. The BD talking about how the middle school principal is so skinny, tan, and never sweats in a big heavy suit.

62. Talking about how we should make the people who stole the drumsticks pay 40. :3

63. Having your drumsticks stolen because people not in band, try to make you feel bad and trick you.

64. Never stop talking about the middle school principal..and how he is hot (Really...he's not).

65. The jazz band goes Frischin' and the whole place looks at you all like you're crazy.

66. The BD comes to your tables, and everyone gets quiet.

67. Musical conversations...otherwise known as...call and response (trust me...my BD made sure the fifth graders knew that... "Call and response. Now say it with me")

68. Little kids thinking percussionists are just exaggerates this next word **drummers**.

69. The trumpets getting 'served' by an ex-first grade music teacher because they couldn't play a popular trumpet soli...

70. The BD flabbergasted by how the ex-BD did not put you on trombone. :)

71. Sitting three to a seat on the bus, and being extremely ticklish...does not work.

72. Especially when your fellow bandies know you're ticklish.

73. Taking a picture of the lead trumpet and his gf...looking like they were staring at his...o.O

74. Not knowing that the adults on Charlie Brown are actually trombones that are muted.

75. The lead french hornist and the field commander feel unloved because they are 'forgotten' at a fifth grade assembly to recruit little children.

76. Paul (lead trombonist) growl-tonguing in his solo in 'Vehicle' and everyone positive that he recruited WAY TOO MANY trombonists.

77. Macho playing...its what a boy instrumentalist does? /

78. Getting caught by the BD texting.

79. Recording yourself playing.

80. Your friend tells you that you play in a black way, so you yell at her for playing caucasionly and Asianly. (Might I add, that me and the only other black kid in band play a certain way. Also, she is the only Asian she's white too kid in band, which makes it funnier).

81. Crisp playing...reminds me of Ritz Chips. xD

82. The field commander acting like the BD

83. The field commander getting four people to check the cabinet for the music the BD was supposed to put out.

84. You and the field commander decide to wear Mickey Mouse ear hats and bob your head around.

85. Gunderman getting you to shake your head in a violent manner, making the pink princess ears and veil shake crazily.

86. Wearing sunglasses to band class...its a hobby.

87. The BD telling the girls to get hose for state contest...(Notice...hose can be also thought as hoes :D)

88. The BD getting told by Gunderman, "Shouldn't you be telling the boys this?"

89. The BD not knowing what to say, so he 'hangs himself'.

90. Panty hoes! (No that is not a typo ;D)

91. Nude hoes!

92. The BD tells you almost every month, that he breaks something off his lawn mower...

93. Even in the winter...it breaks (Confused...as am I).

94. The field commander refuses to run the march...because its so boring.

95. You always ruin a perfectly good speech the BD is trying to give.

96. The BD calls you _his_ little group of cicadas.

97. The BD is very possessive over the band...

98. You're _his _ceiling fans...o.o?

99. The lead baritone attempts to wake up the lead trumpet's gf by screaming in her ear, "WAKE UP!" Then he walks up to you, and says "I've been waiting to do that since I was little".

100. Sticking through this whole entire band list, meaning you are a true bandie. This also means you have probably laughed your head off at all the stupid things you and your friends did.

THANKS EVERYONE!

Everyone that helped, you are getting creditted in the next page...

Also...I will announce what I am going to do now that we got to the 1000 mark...


	11. BIG THANKS TO:

These are all the people that helped with the making of this:

The Asian, the Dork, and the really cool clarinet player that helped all throught this...and even decided to give me the title of section leader, even though I am a trombonist now, K.C.

L. Gunderman

Madeye or Madi P, our field commander/drum major

Kaeli R.

My section leader, enemy, and fellow grammar nazi, Laura C.

Paul Davis, the lead trombonist and my band father

Our BD, Kevin Grow

Our Ex-BD, Sean Kelley

Our Principals, the Mafia.

McCaylee P, a strange trumpet kid who says I am her mother

HMS/HS Band

Your crazy band...

Some crazy band...

Your mom's band

HHS Jazz Band

Our CD, David White

The Square

David W.

Saxypitgirl07

The White Rabbit 08

Debra M.

Emily A.

Haleigh L.

Mariah G.

Wolfy Tonks Kakashi

Whitney H.

Meghan H.

Nathan Biggers

Jon J, or JJ

I am Pie

Abbyreads

mellophone girl44

Brittany B.

And All those wild and crazy color guard girls...

THANKS YOU GUYS!

P.S.

We are continuing...But I won't post till like...August. :0 Unless I get 100!

I love you all! THANKS AGAIN!


	12. OH LOOK! IT'S MORE BAND STUFF!

1. Yelling at your BD at the band banquet because he brought up the whining thing.

2. The BD talking about how loud you are in jazz band.

3. And we don't mean my instrumental sound...

4. Stop having fun, it's band.

5. Yelling at younger bandies

6. Telling younger bandies to count when they are marching in a block

7. No but(ts) on the field.

8. Being jealous because you can't be in the soli in marching band

9. Being told to play like your partner in crime; loud

10. Having a trombone section (three players) where only one person can read and understand the music.

11. Brown nosing the juniors and seniors.

12. Hearing the saxophones come in, then hearing multiple bad notes escaping from the flutes.

13. One of the rookie trumpets can't do box drill.

14. Worse part: He's your band son.

15. Realizing that only the eldest are counting, and you sigh loudly.

16. Wondering where the hell J.T. (lead tuba) is at.

17. You can't hug the former manwhore of HHS Band, because he's a staff member.

18. The BD sending five people to get the water jug.

19. The BD staring at you guys as the assisant BD calls commands, and you were louder than the rest of the band.

20. The BD telling you to show the band how its done.

21. Asking the BD about his lawnmower...

22. The lead baritone grows a beard...

23. Remembering Adam's first shave...(long story short: They videotaped him getting shaved. We call it his barber-mitzvah)

24. Chanting random words from previous songs and shows you have done, to scare your non-band friends.

25. 99.7 of your friends are bandies

26. It's okay to mess up drill or music...the first three times.

27. Abandoning your band kids; it's what we do

28. Attempting to make a new band family, in hopes to start over...Fresh.

29. Your band is mainly five seniors, four juniors, a bunch of sophomores, and God knows how many rookies!

30. Your drumline is what made it impossible to go to contest

31. Your drumline is mainly female...only three boys are in.

32. The other tuba getting told by the BD if he doesn't play loud that he'll get the lead pit perc. to play the bass line louder.

33. The tuba player getting red and almost crying.

34. The lead snare insists she never have a drumming boyfriend...otherwise, they would get competitive.

35. Making smores at ten till midnight and throwing them at each other.

36. Almost every kid in your band...is skinny.

37. The whole brass section cheers when the BD announces we're getting new t-shirts

38. Referring to the old shirts as "Summer Band Uniform"

39. Realizing that shirt made you look nerdier than you already were

40. Paul crying because of the shirt change

41. The BD's phone breaks...again.

42. Climbing cases so you can sit on the tuba case.

43. Random strip teases...its a multimedia event. Break out the jazz music!

44. Acting like Barbies and prisses when you march.

45. Box drill...everybody but you and the Asian hate it.

46. When your line isn't straight, the new baritonist insists its a Hillsboro line.

47. For once, you didn't whine about something.

48. Paul causing your water to have skid marks.

49. You and other bandies have weight wars...so far, Paul is winning at 108 pounds, and he's eighteen! Wow!

50. The band realizing you look almost as anorexic as Paul...after you wore shorts to band.

51. Some how, you figure out after a rehearsel, that you can do a weird thumb thing..that grosses most of the band out but one person.

52. Your band father decides to tell you, after four years with the band, that you have several mothers other than Tiffany.

53. The BD insists that we be like Jacob, the lead trumpet, and smile when you come to band.

54. He also insists that you need to start liking band, even though you do.

55. Your family makes fun of your playing.

56. You attempt to make funny band songs out of actual songs such as "Sexy Back" and "Milkshake" (Already posted "I Kissed A Bandie"! More to come!)

57. Your band bus doesn't allow boy/girl seating at night because your best friend (who is the same sex as you) grabbed your butt.

58. Touching each other's butts... :3

59. The other tuba player is notorious for being late to every practice.

60. The BD literally memorized his name in two hours (when he first came in 2006/7) because the kid played so loud.

61. Unofficial band weapon: Your sound

62. The other sousa player and the lead snare do not get along...due to a cadence fight.

63. You're the unofficial band whore of your band.

64. The colorguard coach is the choir director. xD

65. Talking about...emergency medical forms.

66. The lead sax and only Asian tells you "If I faint or pass out...tell them I have asthma" cause she never puts it on the form.

67. Hearing a story about a kid having a seizure doing a DCI trip

68. And the girl who was highly allergic to bees... :3

69. I think the band president should make up a law that says "No bandie left behind" after that stupid "No Child Left Behind" Law/Bill.

70. The worst part about having tourettes is...in band...if you're at attention...and you move..they yell at you for having a tick.

71. The lead trumpet beating you with his trumpet. D:

72. You cringe when hearing flutes trill wrong notes.

73. There's a man in northern Kentucky that has a bunch of horsepower on his wheelchair, and he rides around with a confederate flag on the back of it. A HUGE ONE.

74. BD tells a story about his dog and how he ate his DCI shirt.

75. Tenor saxes are the new flutes!

76. Stealing a band kid's brother's bike.

77. The hornline takes a camping trip. The BD soon realizes the brass didn't really need work; it was mostly woodwind work.

78. Band kids swinging on the little kid swings.

79. Two od the tenor saxes disappear causing us to wonder if they drowned...

80. Crying when we realize they didn't xD

81. Midnight walks...

82. Singing Moonlight Bay during the walk, since it's near a river.

83. Drum Major falling in a pit of fire right when the girl in the story falls down.

84. Good news: She's still alive.

85. Party-boying the ultimate party-boyer.

86. Talking about digital cable.

87. The BD makes a joke about how there are only two sousas, when there could've been three...and he's standing right in front of you laughing, because your the new trombonist.

88. The BD gets paid by the number of "Ahhh!"s.

89. Falling in love with the lead trumpet, after making so many of these 100 band things making fun of him.

90. Having a dance-off with the asst. BD and losing.

91. MOTHMAN (Long story short...the drum major told a story about him...)

92. Tubas constantly interrupted the BD's speeches.

93. Slamming the flutes, altos, and mellophones for not knowing their parts constantly.

94. Hearing the same speeches and stories every band year.

95. Whining on the field is a no-no.

96. Fighting with your original section leader, the old band whore.

97. Fighting over which notes to play.

98. Fighting over the spot you wanna stand in the block.

99. You absolutely hate block band and block drill!

100. Having the urge to hit your BD every time he says something stupid.


	13. 100 More to Ease The Soul

Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone

1. The BD constantly nags on you for stupid things.

2. Not remembering your drill book.

3. Discussing sexual band positions.

4. Asking stupid questions is the key to an angry BD.

5. Wishing you could stand next to your best friend, who stood next to you in the years before this, because it's tradition.

6. Noticing how the mexicans/beaners are on the sides of the band (me on the left, the lead trumpet on the right).

7. Laughing because you just called yourself and the lead trumpet Mexicans (we're like...1/4 or less).

8. Forgetting to pack your lunch.

9. Singing random songs on the field to make time seem faster.

10. Making the CD think you are crazy because you kissed Paul's hand.

11. Paul being called a manwhore.

12. Realizing the CD needs to get out more.

13. Your mom always packs your lunch for band because you are too lazy.

14. Dropping your bug spray on the asphalt and leaving it to get in block band.

15. Missing half the exercises done in the morning.

16. Your BD has a cute thing of keeping you on one-yard line or near that yard line.

17. He also puts you next to the instrument(s) you played the last marching season.

18. Actually having fun making your drill book.

19. Trying to keep band words out of your vocabulary when talking to parents or non-bandies.

20. Bruising yourself trying to hold your instrument.

21. The whole band breaks out in bug bites looking much like the chicken pox!

22. You find it difficult to date outside of the band culture.

23. And when you do, bandies start asking multiple questions.

24. Music is your hero.

25. It's also your drug and anti-drug.

26. Downloading string quartets of all your fav. songs.

27. Answering toll free calls and asking for donations for band.

28. Strutting your stuff during the band pool party.

29. Figuring out you could shake your entire body at the party...

30. And you can't sing for shit. XD

31. Making people bend over and spell 'Run' because half the band is immature. (Are you in? LOL)

32. Making the gay guard member spell 'I-Hop' and adding 'ness' to the end.(If you say it right is should be "I ate yo' penis")

33. Getting in trouble for saying masturbation by the BD.

34. MTV is banned from the band TVs.

35. And sexual songs.

36. And your band mom. Just kidding!

37. Making "Yo Band Mama' jokes.

38. The BD drops a bunch of little sausages near the trailer and they dare a Sousa player to eat one.

39. Having band sing-alongs

40. You tell your boyfriend that you are cheating with him on your band son and he sets off to kill an eighth grade trumpet.

41. Flirting with the bass line to see what your boyfriend does; his section leader then asks "ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THAT?"

42. The band's only piccolo player somehow looks pregnant when the wind blew her shirt so you make jokes that she's pregnant with Mothman's kid.

43. Mothmanland. It's a long complicated story, but the lead Sousa says it's basically Fairytaleland.

44. Your drill book likes to fall apart constantly.

45. You miss your section leader greatly because she's been 'missing' for two rehearsals and you're scared you'll get picked for the soli.

46. A mystery illness seems to plague the bandies at my school...they all get sick so easy.

47. Watching your non-band friend get punched seven times in front of the bandstands, no one helping him (I wasn't there. I was sick that night)

48. Your best friend quit band and everyone always says "Thanks Jordan" when there's a weird hole.

49. Tying shoes to the ends of flutes to get them to hold them up.

50. You, unlike, most your band friends, love band camp.

51. Your band got shirts at the last week of band camp that said "Grow Camp"

52. Now your BD wants to put 'My' on his shirt.

53. The band has more drama than school.

54. Maybe the drama teacher should like ask _us_ to help her class.

55. The color guard uniforms are orange...and yellow...

56. Except for the gay boy's...his is black.

57. Talking about smurfs the whole band period (if you want a recording, email me!)

58. The field commander starts strutting her stuff

59. She also won a ribbon at the county fair for top model

60. The BD clichés your town, because the school gets out one week for the county fair, and he thinks you're all hicks (He doesn't live remotely close to us)

61. He also wonders how the field commander even won the top model award.

62. Madi's too sexy for modeling…

63. She also has a dramatic hair flip, similar to the Asian's.

64. The BD attacks you when he's talking about the ganating smurfs

65. GANAT! IT'S WORSE THAN EPIC FAILURE!

66. The BD hates it when you hang out after school...

67. So much he starts leaving earlier... and earlier...

68. His dream is to put you on yet another instrument.

69. Your section leader tends to be dramatically quiet, until the field commander begins claiming she's sexy. Then you and her dart for the door, which luckily is right next to you.

70. She also randomly dances.

71. The candy has funny, weird, and nonsense words and phrases on them.

72. The new baritone player refuses to stand in a straight line; he prefers his "Hillsboro line".

73. A bunch of band kids are obsessed with pocky…

74. I meet a lot of people with the same name and instrument.

75. You bought a stuffed teddy bear at an event and named it after you and the youngest trumpet kid (Guess our names and you will be honored, the bear's name is Kyla….it's a boy! XD)

76. The field commander stares at you weird in concert band because you're always writing things down for the band things.

77. But she's giggled at many, so you're pleased that a senior can enjoy them as well.

78. The oldest band booster member loves to tell her daughter off because they're both 'seniors' (my friend has a pretty old mother).

79. You make a joke about low brass….even though you are in low brass, and the entire woodwind section stares at you for a while.

80. Telling everyone to hurry and go to set; you want to go home and watch your soaps and/or pornos.

81. The younger bandies take you seriously and some offer to come watch.

82. The second chair tenor likes to act like he's going to do stuff to you.

83. You realize the rookies are all fairly perverted.

84. Making John McCain jokes

85. Learning the NFL Fox Theme, because you BD is crazy and thinks it's a _great _song

86. Your BD is sadly a hardcore Bengals fan. If you dare come near him with a Browns hoodie/shirt/etc…prepare for death.

87. Never talk to suspicious bandies.

88.Oh! Did I mention that if you are a senior, you should go tell younger bandies to stay in band and don't do drugs. It's highly effective.

89. Losing your stuff in the junk seat cause your name wasn't properly duct-taped on by the Asst. BD.

90. Duct-tape…we use so many colors in band, that I forget that the school colors are red and white.

91. It's fun to poke a sleeping bandie in the daytime.

92. You played Sloopy so fast at Homecoming, your cheerleaders literally had to **stop dancing**.

93. You found kids that whine more than you do! OH NO!

94. Oh no! The band llama followed you home!

95. The new tuba player, decides he can't play tuba cause it hurts him too much. Hmm…sounds like me a year ago!

96. You wish you could understand why the BD insists your band song be '10 Little Indians' when there are 45 of you…

97. You go to so many pep rallies, you think you're in shape from all the jumping, screaming, playing, and dancing you've done.

98. The one thing that sucks about being a woodwind is long intros that do not include you, meaning you wanna dance so bad.

99. How much wood could a clarinetist suck if a clarinetist could suck wood? (Okay…wtf…I am tired…I made that up. No sexual innuendo intended. Promise). THE ANSWER: GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY REEDS THEY SUCK

100. You think the Asst. BD's tractor and tenor sax are sexy and actually singing it.

Big thanks to Kat, James, and the HHS marching band. xD


	14. 100 More to Make you All Happy! :3

LOL

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any band, school, or bandie. Okay...I own KC aka the Asian and the youngest trumpet player, Kyle, but no one else.

Shall we continue?

1. The gay guard member gets a little _too _excited when he sees the football team

2. It's fun to watch the BD yell at you

3. Gala apples...our BD insists that the new baritonist requests them on the sheet

4. The second trumpet's bf is the Tub Man.

5. The Asst. BD believes we should call him _Mr. Scott _because it's more official and proper.

6. "He will always be Tub Man to me" lol

7. _Dirty Dancing_...our Alma Mater reminds **everyone** of it.

8. You sing during parade rest.

9. You dance during parade rest.

10. You dream at parade rest about being at parade rest (is that possible?)

11. Your drum major can't help but laugh on the podium while everyone in the audience is yelling "Go Madi!"

12. You almost kill your band son, aka the youngest trumpet, because your BD insists that you have to run to your spots in the drill.

13. The younger mello does something to her knee during those moves

14. Almost all the girls in band have something wrong with their knees

15. Except for KC and I, cause we somehow do something to our hips or ankles.

16. Honking a horn to the cadences

17. OVAL DRILL- Similar to Circle drill, but more dangerous

18. The lead trumpet just realized you're a bitch

19. Every clarinet or brass instrument you touch dies.

20. There's not one instrument you haven't broke or killed.

21. You had a funeral for your old instrument

22. You cried when your instrument broke...

23. You had so many music classes; they took you out of the best one and put you in keyboarding, which the Guard Director is the teacher.

24. The GD is also the CD and he makes fun of your marching and singing constantly.

25. He's also decided that if you can play all sorts of concert band instruments, you should be able to play piano.

26. You really suck at the piano.

27. Dreaming about killing your BD, GD, or fellow bandies.

28. You actually wished the dream came true.

29. You have a hip thrust move that all the other band kids have mocked and learned so that they can conduct it at certain parts of the show.

30. You made a funny dance to Sloopy involving the hip thrust.

31. Your instrument/section has been the root of many funny moments

32. Especially that stupid hip thrust (aka trombone players xD)

33. People make fun of your trombone section for naming their trombones "The Flaming Boner" or other 'Boner' aliases (The Flaming Boner was what I named mine. xD)

34. "I'm smoking 'reed'" lol

35. The guy guard member is trying to make a movie of himself

36. No offense, but I don't think normal people would watch it~

37. The BD threw away your coat cause you missed honor band

38. The BD continuously gives you and your twin, the Asian, solos.

39. You both hate solos.

40. You seriously want to get a trio for Mario Bro. open for a concert

41. Your Christmas present involved something to do with your instrument

42. When you date people not from band, they are confused greatly by the band culture.

43. Trust me; our school still can't understand us.

44. The lead bass drummer goes around meeting people by putting his leg around his head.

45. You overhear a trombonist say "I won't hit her…hard" and it somehow doesn't surprise you that a _trombonist _said it.

46. It's an insult if you're called the bass clarinetist's name.

47. Learning _Linus and Lucy_ to annoy other bandies

48. Riding in a one horse sleigh, with the BD…

49. The cymbal player will be the recruiter for band activities—a big smile and an American flag. In big letters, it'll say "I Want You For the HHS Marching Band".

50. MOREHEAD (Think about it for a minute....LOL if you thought perverted congrats. Actually, it's a place in Kentucky we visited).

51. You want to name the bass amp "Apollo 08"

52. Dislodging another sprite bottle out of a tuba.

53. Slip n' slide, band style

54. You gave your BD a coloring book for Christmas

55. You continuously sing Greensleeves to annoy the lead french hornist.

56. People countlessly say you look adorable and your solo(s) was cute.

57. One of the seniors is the BD's prodigee

58. You cannot distinguish the difference between band and reality. xD

59. The band is notorious for wearing odd colors and clothing.

60. A younger flute knocked herself out during a parade with the flute.

61. A saxophonist gets his hair caught in his sax and has to remove it with tweezers.

62. You fight with your best friend in band for the title as the "Best [your instrument] Ever"

63. Your BD owns Britney Spears' album _Circus._

64. Your BD finds Britney attractive

65. OOPS! He did it again. He promised you that instrument you really loved.

66. I think he's serious.

67. You're excited that the new school has a SEPERATE choir room and band room.

68. And it's so big, it is labeled as the second floor (first floor...teehee)

69. The word 'cafetorium' makes you frown

70. You can't help but actually dance to _Time Warp_when you play it

71. Sometimes, you wish _Jump On It _was a pep band song. XD

72. "Come on, Mr/Mrs/Miss _____, Jump on it would be a crowd pleaser!"

73. You brought in your laptop to record the band.

74. The band sounds terrible on the laptop.

75. You have an interview with an old band member, ironically the manwhore, and he tells about his encounters with 'sex, drugs', and his first kiss

76. You laugh, because he says it all started when he was fourteen.

77. You cannot picture him as fourteen.

78. You get frustrated when people continuously play a song...

79. That's what concert band is for!

80. You stopped counting your band siblings after one, because you knew it would just end up a chaotic mess.

81. You realize, that while you're reading this, you have to practice your instrument.

82. Which, I of course, do need to do...

83. You just realized "I forgot my instrument" so you study the music.

84. You download the music when you get desperate.

85. You just want graduation to get here so you can either play Pomp and Circumstance or hear it.

86. MY TRUMPET PLAYS SIDEWAYS, YOUR TRUMPET PLAYS UPSIDE DOWN. MY TRUMPET PLAYS SIDEWAYS, YOUR TRUMPET IS BENT...(BOM BOM BOM)....My clarinet....(this song can take forever).

87. You use your instrument as a cookie cutter

88. The band says pointless "Your Face" jokes, that you just realized it's a part of band life.

89. Your face is a part of life.

90. Jazz band is your after school life (or school day life)

91. You love comparing the IRS to OMEA....and also Hell.

92. You BD suddenly asks "you know what we need.." and a junior proclaims "A BELLYDANCER"

93. You make it ten times worse by saying we should get Shakira.

94. Your band director finds most of today's female music idols attractive.

95. What's sad is, he's eyeing them like a kid does candy.

96. The good news is he's single for now, and loves his pussies.

97. "WE gonna go muddin' " is a phrase that refers to bandies getting stuck in the muddy field.

98. We're getting a brand new school, with a new seperate band facility, and here we are whining about a freaking pole in the middle of the double doors.

99. The BD tells you to "Find the sweet spot" when tuning XD

100. The CD loves to give you a hard time in his class, but his loves your instrument playing.


	15. If you want it, take 100

1. A percussionist forgets his bass mallet RIGHT before you perform!

2. The various names your BD gives you, even though they're not school appropriate.

3. Once someone graduates, the band takes the liberty of making fun of the person(s).

4. You skip your classes just so you can help the band move to the new school.

5. You fight over who gets the 'little' tuba.

6. You finally got enough kids in band to have TWO field commanders.

7. The field commanders are ironically best friends.

8. You cried when you weren't allowed to try out for field commander.

9. You cry when the lead trumpet graduates, as well as the field commander.

10. The drum line keeps switching their drums before the parade starts.

11. Stealing vests from the band closet.

12. Wanting to kill your band sibling because they are annoying.

13. You love sitting in the band room to hear stupid stories from the BD's past

14. You drop your instrument out a window.

15. Rubber bands and tape are used frequently to fix instruments temporarily.

16. Your slide flies out of the instrument

17. Your third valve slide flies into the pit

18. Sitting around in a circle playing stupid card games in the low brass room.

19. Gang wars in band.

20. You've decided that rookie marchers will be called nooblets.

21. You've already began working up a torture campaign for the nooblets.

22. You plan on having your way with the nooblets.

23. You hate the annoying boy clarinet.

24. Kind of like how you hated the two before him.

25. Or maybe you just think they need to grow up and play low reeds/brass.

26. You take multiple quizzes to ensure that you really are the instrument player you are.

27. Suddenly, you feel like band has made you an….*you know it's coming, HHS*….OVER-ACHIEVER! O-Over Achiever!

28. You create art projects for your BD….because you pray it gives you extra credit for that ONE practice you missed….

29. You know you miss band camp when you carry your things at attention.

30. You have to get used to your inside voice during school-hours…because yelling is a big thing in your band.

31. Your BD cannot stand the BDs before him.

32. You're selling all the uniforms before your time, and you HAVE to snag one for yourself.

33. Pretending to be a majorette is fun until you really meet one….

34. Colorguard cannot take you seriously.

35. And they love stealing band concepts…

36. Like…the band family.

37. I think it'll be ok…they have like forty less members

38. Ours is cool _with _the hassle.

39. Spinal Tap makes life funnier…as well as A Mighty Wind

40. You hate it when people ask the same questions during a Q & A session on band.

41. You really hate when people ask you if you'll play the same song again…or JAWS

42. And YOU absolutely cannot stand it when kids ask if you can play violin, guitar, or drums in band.

43. You're cousin is the biggest hippie in the band.

44. It's so bad, at his _band-only _grad party, you saw tie-dye and drums everywhere. And his dad hasn't shaved in like…15 years or so.

45. You love how the lead trumpet keeps coming to band class…even after he graduates.

46. Band kids sleep….during band class. XD

47. Band kids sleep during the marching part of band camp.

48. But we definitely cannot sleep during the musical practices

49. We're so musical, I should try to make every section a song, to get these band thingys over with tonight, y'know?

50. _Don't you wish your trumpet could shine like mine? Don't you wish your trumpet could play like mine? Don't cha? Ohhhh~_

51. _Let's find a block…I mean a big $$ block….or maybe something like a cymbal rock is better. We'll play it up, and hope the set get's there, my buddy. And just before the camp is done, we'll play with strife and pray the adults know we can play alright! Cause we hate that big $$ block…_

52. _There can be miracles, when you play flute. Though hope is frail, we try to play. We may get stuck a bit, or even cry…but we can play, with all our might. I just hope I can march…._

53. At band camp, you make many jokes about the Wonder Twins because the two field commanders are really close friends.

54. The rookie mellos get on step easily and you thank god that _they _can.

55. The only sections who had everyone present at sectionals the first day of camp were trombones and tubas….of all sections…

56. The ex-lead trumpet, who I've wrote meticulously about, comes to camp to ensure rookies can play and march right.

57. Kinda makes you feel bad that he's going into the marines.

58. You actually cried when your section leader graduated.

59. The rookies look forward to read these stupid lists I make.

60. You love the new music for this year's show….it features your section twice in the opener!

61. You're so happy to see four sousas instead of the usual two this year.

62. The band has suddenly grown…by like…twenty bodies.

63. You nearly jizzed your pants when you found out the band has doubled since your first year.

64. You constantly sing "I'm On A Boat" to annoy the fellow bandies.

65. You wonder how you're going to compete with "My D*** In A Box"….I mean…who wants a tuba bit or piccolo in a box? LOL

66. You seriously want to play "The Ultimate Showdown" as a pep band song.

67. The music the BD puts on your CD sounds like it should be on Mario or old Nintendo games.

68. The BD lost **ALL** the copies of 'Crazy Train' and you nearly cried. He says if you can't find your part, you will not play.

69. You have it memorized on the first instrument you learned….and the fifth….and the second…but not the third, which you play currently this season.

70. You feel as though you should earn extra credit next school year, because you helped with moving the band stuff to the new school building during your vacation.

71. You want to kill the band bus driver…

72. You want to seriously injure half the baritone section

73. And the trombone section.

74. The drum-line sectionals are cancelled all week due to 'vacationing'.

75. The new drum-line proves worthier than the real one.

76. Band camp gets depressing when Michael Jackson dies.

77. Everyone is trying to learn Thriller in band now.

78. The woodwinds get a wake up call from a freshman tenor player, when he gives them a speech from yet another war movie.

79. You're used to this, because you go to the exclusive all band-boys air soft wars.

80. You buy a three dollar cake that is about the size of a personal pan pizza and share it with the band.

81. Your band friends come up with a new trick! It's called the vending machine, featuring a skinny little girl in a extra large hoodie dropping a water bottle; just for you!

82. PedoBear is a name that no band kid wants to hear.

83. You enjoy the BD yelling at everyone but you.

84. You want a snazzy new shoulder pad for your tuba. When you get the order, it's the wrong thing.

85. You want to kill Belmont.

86. You want to Rick-Roll the whole band.

87. Big Gay Dance…you wish the BD would embrace it.

88. You wonder how the heck the old BD and the new BD were able to be at a party together.

89. You realize that your new BD is able to control his emotions.

90. You imagine that there were subliminal messages telling one another to fight, but neither seem agitated.

91. You go on Facebook to read the latest on your old BD.

92. He FBs at least two times a day.

93. Rookies understand that we care and that we will nourish and love them…for a month or so.

94. You enjoy calling the playboys in band 'cheap'.

95. The marimba players give you sign language symbols and lip synch to you when they're bored.

96. The lead snare walks around the festival bare-foot.

97. You get hit in the sides multiple times with tenor drums because the people in the parade don't know how to march.

98. You investigate a claim that many sophomore and freshman band members are going to stick Brutis the arm-chair onto the top of the scaffolding.

99. If band wasn't a gym credit, you're sure that half the kids in it would quit.

100. The bass player invites random guys and you (the only chick!) to his house to air soft, play music, trick each other, and get shot by AK-47s on automatic.

And that's another one hundred to feed into your souls. :3


	16. 100 Band Things Ease My Soul Instantly

**1. The new band room is so 2009!**

**2. You cried when you were told the old fire escape was taken away from the band room. **

**3. You wish you knew why you love band, but nothing comes to mind.**

**4. You know you're a band geek when everything you own has a musical note on it.**

**5. You hum your parts down the hallway, scaring your peers and staff. **

**6. You're terrified of having a cousin in band.**

**7. She's gonna brag 24/7**

**8. That's ok, life's full of many band surprises. **

**9. Pin the valve on the sousaphone!**

**10. Break open the bass drum head. **

**11. Break dance with the marimba players.**

**12. ****I'm in a band! I'm in a band! Everybody look at me cause I'm in marching band! I'm in a band! I'm in a band! Took a good hard look at the fuckin' marchin' band! Yeah! (Seriously, I have an arrangement on here; look for it ;D) **

**13. Remind me to STOP listening to Lonely Island, just because it annoys fellow bandies.**

**14. Also, I caution use of these songs that I make: band kids will cause serious injury upon hearing the band name being tainted as so.**

**15. Giving out your phone number to random band kids.**

**16. Doing said giving away while putting away instruments.**

**17. You sorta like to dance for your fellow band peers.**

**18. You love how your ex went from a sousa player to a trumpet player….who really can't play.**

**19. You hate kids who don't try to play.**

**20. You love marching band so much, you dedicate most of your time to trying to help it and the equipment out.**

**21. Chit chatting with marimba players, because they're people too.**

**22. The BD and the lead bass drummer….have a relationship you really don't want to know about. **

**23. They're both boys, if you get what I mean.**

**24. You bring your laptop with you to band events to record the epic events that should encounter your band**

**25. You have a tendency to forget where your music is…a lot. **

**26. You meet various bandies from the schools in your county….at the county fair.**

**27. The funny part was you weren't even trying.**

**28. You allow the lead tenor sax player to name all your stuffed animal children. **

**29. You've finally allowed the integration of guard into your family. **

**30. You hope to make the guard girl realize that sometimes men are jerks and you don't need them; no matter how good lookin' or smooth talkin' they might be (I know, I finally sounded black…).**

**31. You hope that one day your band friends meet again in the real world. **

**32. You wonder how you fall for all the guitarists and percussionists in bands…**

**33. The sousaphone players from other bands…will be attacked by at least two of the sousas from your school**

**34. If your football team can't win the games, join marching band. ****J**

**35. When life gives you a new sousaphone, give it to the kid who can't play for crap (yeah, our BD did this because he's section leader…bleh). **

**36. You try to explain to other bandies what life was before there was a high enrollment. **

**37. They'll never understand the yelling and beating. **

**38. I guess you could depict band camp as a place of perpetual evil. **

**39. Everybody's favorite summer activity is playing their instrument and perfecting their amature and much, much more. **

**40. You just now realize that your mouth probably hurts so much from the vast amounts of instruments you play in one day.**

**41. Can you help it that you play a different instrument for each band? **

**42. And that your guidance counselors ****insist ****that you be in four bands EACH DAY? **

**43. You giggle snort at the various ways people try to play their instruments. **

**44. The band director assumes that the lead trumpet had 'female' issues when she merely had poison ivy. **

**45. You wish the smart board was used more often in band.**

**46. Even though you absolutely hate smart boards.**

**47. Lately, your band director has been extremely perverted. **

**48. You now know what the BD is like in an elite class: he cusses a lot more**

**49. The BD can have full scale conversations…with his three cats.**

**50. He really hates Sassy. **

**51. Of course, you would too, if she peed on your expensive bedding. **

**52. You're having horrible success re-writing 'Jizz In My Pants' as a band song.**

**53. Man, you wish you could get pep charts for Lonely Island songs.**

**54. You meet Miami Trace's lovely three sousas…who are all boys. Ironically, the only boy sousa is out of town, and there are conveniently three girl sousas..**

**55. When life gives you lemons, you make awesome smelling mouthpieces. **

**56. More than half your band cried when they say that the MUSIC DEPARTMENT was the first to be demolished from the old high school. **

**57. Pin the bell on the sousaphone!**

**58. Pin the reed on the clarinet/saxophone mouthpiece?**

**59. Make out sessions with someone you're not even dating.**

**60. Playing the nervous game with your band sons and you hit a pot hole, causing your hand to actually go down their pants. **

**61. But you know you liked it.**

**62. The asst. BD finally 'came out of the closet' (we have a LARGE storage closet).**

**63. The BD has been waiting for it. **

**64. The sophomore and freshman sousas fight…constantly over working tubas.**

**65. You're so glad you're a junior, because you can get away with anything.**

**66. The BD and the asst. BD call for sousaphone intervention; WHILE THE SECTION LEADER IS OUT PARTYING**

**67. You love reminiscing on the times you've cried in band. **

**68. God, how were you able to make it this far? You were so effing annoying. **

**69. We go through a maturity phase by sophomore year.**

**70. You miss the field commander from 2008's marching band so much, you add her on FB and tell her all the new things.**

**71. The BD hates whining flute players.**

**72. Especially freshman flute players.**

**73. So glad…I was never a flute player.**

**74. Really unhappy that I am a 'bone player however, because now I teach 6th**** grade 'bones and clarinets how to play their instruments!**

**75. Why was I destined to play so much!?**

**76. When your partner in crime finally comes back from partying, you cry and hug him and wish he would realize how much you really did miss him.**

**77. You love all the analogies that BD makes towards the white kids in band**

**78. The BD ****hates talking about uniforms: concert band and marching band both!**

**79. The band has taken on the liberty of taking famous politicians and rulers of different countries' names. **

**80. How the heck did I get stuck with Condi? **

**81. Eh, that's ok, because apparently the lead sousa and his ex, the freshman sousa, are Bill and Hilary Clinton…**

**82. You bring your boyfriend, a commoner, to the football games; he's very confused on the culture.**

**83. Your bf LOVES comparing the HHS band to Adams County. **

**84. You make pictures of the band and have people play "Guess Who". **

**85. Winners get cookies! Losers: Euthanized -- The old fashioned way!**

**86. Picnicface and College Humor are a great part of the band bus. **

**87. You hate London's hot chocolate (London, Ohio's hot chocolate tastes like hot, watered-down Yoo-hoo!)**

**88. You need to take on a part time job, to pay for all your instrumental needs.**

**89. Your substitutes stare you down while you're writing these one hundred band things**

**90. College essays on marching band! You hope it appeases your foreign English teacher.**

**91. You love the fact that your math teacher understands the marching band members.**

**92. You love using Spanish terms on the others in band, because no one understands you!**

**93. Especially if you and the field commanders start speaking it fluently. **

**94. I am going to make a sign for marching band, both in English and Spanish! Woot!**

**95. The BD unintentionally keeps making gay jokes.**

**96. And sexual jokes.**

**97. You've broken the rules for once, and sat with your band sons on the way back from the games.**

**98. You're surprised that no one killed your partner in crime on the way back from Kentucky. **

**99. You inspect your instrument for peer damages; people love throwing projectiles into both you and the sophomore's sousaphones. **

**100. You really wish you could control yourself from making these incredibly stupid band lists. **

_I dedicate this chapter to 2009-2010 seniors: Laura Eigel, Aubrey Griego, and Lizzie Keister. I lovez them.  
_


	17. An update, yet not 100 more

**Alright, fellow readers. **

**This chapter is going to be dedicated to actually telling you the situation. **

**I will continue to try writing band things (I've been lazy! Forgive me). **

**This is my FINAL year of high school band. I plan to attend a university with a very amazing band. Or in my eyes, they are. I plan on trying out on baritone saxophone. So, if I make it into a university band, I promise to add more! **

**Oh, and now for the big news. **

**Since I will be a senior in less than four weeks...I am going to make an offical 100 stupid things band kids do. **

**The funniest go. So, here's the dealio. I know fan-fiction hates it when people don't actually write chapters. But I figure this is important enough. **

**I want my fellow readers to vote (through PMs and emails, please!) on their favorite five band things. **

**I love you all, and I hope to continue these crazy things. **


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